How to Find Your Femininity

Many girls and women, dear reader, grow up as “girly girls” or have mothers, sisters, or other feminine role models in their lives who have shown them how to embrace their femininity, make it their own, and be a unique feminine woman comfortable in her own skin.

 

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Others, however, don’t grow up under such circumstances – they must find their femininity on their own.

“One is not born, but rather becomes a woman” – Simone de Beauvoir

To “become a woman” and find your femininity, dear reader, means to take your own unique personality and values, and give them feminine form and energy.

The process of growing into your feminine self begins with much experimentation.

 

Любовь Михалева

 

All women, even those with strong feminine role models, must experiment to find what works for them and what doesn’t.

One form this takes is in clothing shopping – girls and women will spend hours upon hours at the mall and in stores trying on clothing.  This isn’t just finding the perfect outfit for a certain occasion or finding what one will wear to school or work, and the process is an ongoing one.  What is really happening underneath this behavior is feminine experimentation.

 

Kate Winslet for St. John's classy little black dress

 

A girl or woman is trying on different versions, different styles, different personalities, and different statements when she is putting on a new article or clothing or new shoes.

Many women love this process, and others claim to hate it.  Either way, it’s just one arena of life in which girls and women learn to channel and express their feminine personas.

There are as many different versions of femininity as there are women in the world.

“Femininity for me means happiness and freedom… freedom of being who you are in whatever shape or size you com in.”

 

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Femininity is also a woman’s way of being.  That is, how she carries herself, how she affects the people around her, and what is most important to her.

Some women, for example may have a femininity of deep peace and bring calm and serenity to all situations and people they come into contact with – they are the cool glass of water on a summer’s day.

Others bring enthusiasm, light, and joy wherever they go – they are the happy go lucky starbursts transforming the mundane and the banal into novelty and wonder.

 

Explore Dovima-2010's photos on Flickr. Dovima-2010 has uploaded 32592 photos to Flickr.

 

Others carry in them and with them wherever they go and undercurrent of deep passion and fierce power, energizing their surroundings with seduction, intrigue, and daring emotion.

So, dear reader, if you are still struggling to become the feminine woman that you yearn to be internally, know that it is a process of becoming and that every woman must find herself in her own way, and keep experimenting in any way you can (:

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The Feminine Introvert vs. The Feminine Extrovert

The book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking marked an important discussion and a change in the way we view introverts and extroverts.

Previously, it was decidedly better to be and define oneself as an “extrovert” – the socially dynamic, confident winners.  To be an introvert was to be a wallflower, shrinking violet, or to be otherwise unremarkable and unnoticed.

 

morning reading

 

Now, however this thinking is starting to change.

To be an introvert now carries with it different connotations and meanings, as does being an extrovert.  There is more equality given to the two schools of thought to the point where it could be argued that neither one is better than the other.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” – Hamlet, Shakespeare

 

She is just too gorgeous for words.

 

Susan Cain’s book, Quiet, brings up several points:

  • Introverts are good listeners, and are often better learners for this reason
  • Introverts are highly intelligent innovaters
  • Introverts may be more quiet because they think more carefully, thoroughly, and at a level of higher complexity
  • Introverts can be remarkable too – examples include Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak

 

Whether you identify and consider yourself more of an introvert, an extrovert, or someone who can be both introverted and extroverted, dear reader is unimportant – what is important is that you embrace who you are and what your own unique style is.

The feminine introvert finds activities such as a quiet night in reading by candlelight with a cup of tea or a glass of wine to be a luxurious, and wonderful activity while the feminine extrovert may scoff at this, instead preferring and getting more enjoyment out of engaging in the world and showing off her dramatic, colorful, and even sensational personality (:

 

jambo

 

“I have to be alone very often.  I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment.  That’s how I refuel.” –  Audrey Hepburn

Privilege

This post, dear reader, is about being privileged – specifically, what it means to be privileged, how to use that to your advantage as a woman if you are, and how to find advantages anyways even if you are not – in short, how to navigate from whatever rung on the privilege ladder you may find yourself.

What it means to be privileged: being privileged means that certain things in life are automatically easier for you and certain doors and options are open to you that aren’t open to others.  Privilege can come in many, many different forms.  It’s not simply race, social class, money, sexual orientation, nationality, etc.  It is all of these things, but also much more.

 

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Inequality of opportunities and privileges is a very real and timeless issue.  While some attempts at “leveling the playing field” may work from time to time, it is also useful to understand the nuances and implications of privilege so that you can do something about it regardless.

Starting with lack of privilege: the key is to accept the reality of the situation, and to do what you can, with what you have (though, admittedly it may not be a lot).  Focus on what it is you can do.

One thing you can do, is to work harder or to be more talented though even this in reality has its limits.  You can position yourself in areas and situations where you are at more of an overall advantage, or work progressively to put yourself in places where you have increasing amounts of privilege.  It can be very discouraging and disheartening to realize that you lack some sort of privilege that others have – part of the key is to accept it as a fact of life and work around it while waiting for it to change.

 

Couldn't imagine.....but maybe she's just the assistance, and sending out thank you gifts...oh my God so much money

 

“You were always told you might have to be twice as good, and that wasn’t a matter of debate it was a fact that was stated, and there were no excuses for poor performance in school or poor performance at anything…” – Condoleezza Rice

Being “twice as good” or simply working harder is one way of getting around such obstacles.

Those with a medium level of privilege encounter their own unique difficulties.  Individuals in this category are often derided by those with less privilege just the same as though they were “born with a silver spoon in their mouth” without the accompanying advantages of actually having been.  It can be a difficult position to be in its own right for this reason.

 

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Being in the most “privileged” category, also comes with its own difficulties, believe it or not.  There can be more pressure to fit an image, to live up to expectations, to succeed.  And there can be limitations on what one can and can’t do.  Sure, as for example, the president’s daughter or the next Princess of England, there are many things that ordinary people couldn’t dream of doing that are within reach, there are also certain social standards that are inviolable in those positions because they are under more scrutiny.  What a less well known or less privileged person may be able to do or the way they are able to color outside of the lines on many things, such a person cannot.

 

When to Take the Road Not Travelled

For all the recent buzz about thinking “different”, outside the box, being an “unconventional entrepreneur”, etc – few of these veins of thought, dear reader are truly unconventional or that far from the so-called mainstream.

 

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And in fact, the mainstream and the conventional tends to work very well – have you ever wondered why cliches are so common?  They are the ultimate catch-22, what is common is common because it is common, if you can wrap your head around that bit of wordplay and conundrum (:

Cliches are common because they usually work.  The conventional route (or the “tried and true” if you want a more positive moniker) is taken because it works.    Imitation works, following a convention works.  Most people do it, and there is nothing wrong with it, just as most people live out and benefit massively from cliches that all the while they deride for being cliches.  As the “cliched” saying goes, no need to reinvent the wheel (:

 

Não se aproveite de quem se esforça tanto, Ele pode estar fazendo o que você deixou de fazer. Não estrague um programa diferente com seu mau humor, Descubra a alegria da novidade. Não deixe a vida se esvair pela torneira, Pode faltar aos outros… O amor pode absorver muitos sofrimentos, Menos a falta de respeito a si mesmo! Se você quer o melhor das pessoas, Dê o máximo de si, Já que a vida lhe deu tanto. Enfim, agradeça sempre, Pois a gratidão abre As portas do coração.

 

Sometimes, though, it does pay to take the road not travelled, and in rare times it might even be the only viable option.

Taking the road not travelled is a true high-risk, high-reward option and like most such options it generally makes more sense to go a “conventional” route if at all possible.

It’s dropping into a building through the roof and into a ventilation system instead of dressing up, getting an invitation, and walking through the front door.

No one ever goes for that first option if they can possibly manage to do it the other way.

(Don’t) Finish What You Start

Conventional wisdom, for a long time has said “finish what you start”, whether that be at work, at home, or with any to-do list or side project you may conceive.

Sometimes though, just as the body conceives and then miscarries if conditions are not right, for whatever reason, some projects are better tossed aside than labored over inefficiently.

 

Anna Kendrick looking amazing!

 

The energy and time you put into anything should be weighed and valued.

So you started a new book that everyone said was great, but you just aren’t getting anything out of it – abandon it at chapter one!  Once you come to the conclusion something isn’t working, keeping going just for the sake of keeping going or “finishing what you start” or crossing something off of a to-do list is ridiculous.

 

Alexanda diddario.

 

Imagine if at every first date we had, we felt such a compulsive need to “finish what we started” and enter into a full-blown relationship?  We’d never have time to explore our greater variety of options and would likely end up with something that is less than the best we could have done with what we had.

The seemingly unattainable pressure and quest to “finish what we start” more often than not hurts more than it helps – it sets us up for failure by creating a task that not only might be impossible or very costly, cuts the joy out of the creation process, and limits overall options and success.

 

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Ideas, projects, tasks are not so rare or scarce as this thinking would have you believe.  New opportunities can be conceived just as readily.  Follow something through to completion when you are getting value out of it, and when you have taken the time to explore and sift through the possibilities.

Dating in 2018: Brave New World

Fundamental changes to the way the dating arena operates have been creeping in slowly, almost imperceptibly over the last few years.

This photo is of Miss Dahlia's daughter Delilah and her soon to be husband Sam.  What the pic doesn't show is there are 3 great danes and 2 springer spaniels coming at full speed up the esplanade....

Everyone, women and men alike, have noticed that something has changed, without being able to describe how, or fully what has exactly changed.

We tend to know less about those whom we are dating, have more people to choose from, more opportunities to “jump around”, in an overall environment that has a backstop of instability, unpredictability, and constant change.

Sure, you may have googled, facebooked, instagramed, snapchatted, and even linked-in your new promising beau, but you know less about who he is as a person, his dating history, what he values, and what truly matters when dating than ever before.  You do your research (this is done on both sides, of course), but what you get is a persona that you know is barely skin-deep, if even that.

 

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It’s no longer just that there are plenty of fish in the sea, it’s that the sea now also has a rushing current and decision making in the arena has turned into chaotic high-frequency trading among stocks we know but precious little about.

We aren’t used to making such traditionally important, life-altering decisions with so little to go off of, so rapidly.

So the decisions have become less permanent, with far less investment put in – emotional investment.

 

Date Night | Elegant Night Out

 

We know on an emotional level that things have changed, and have been changing, ever since shows like Friends and Sex and The City came out documenting our first changes and frustrations in funny, but unfortunately relevant and realistic sketches.

Conditions for most young people are no longer so conducive for the high-school sweethearts get married, have children, become grandparents and grow old together model.  It’s become a relic of a different era, and most still haven’t registered what happened or adjusted enough not to be frustrated on a mass scale with the current dating scene.

Feminine Insight

You may have heard of the term feminine intuition, but the feminine woman of excellence has feminine insight as well dear reader.

 

LOVE!!!!:

 

Insight is defined as the understanding of a specific cause and effect, in context or the apprehending of the true nature of a thing, especially through intuitive understanding.

Feminine insight is the gift or ability that a feminine woman of excellence has in identify a situation for what it is (or Seeing Things As They Are) and responding appropriately.  The feminine woman is also insightful, meaning that she is perceptive.  She reflects often and understands the interconnectedness of all of life.

 

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The advantage of having insight is that the feminine woman of excellence spots patterns more quickly and instantly read any situation, be it an interpersonal conflict, a relationship issue, or even a workplace problem she’s been tasked to solve.

“People in a better mood are more likely to solve problems by insight.”

“Research has shown sleep to help produce insight.”

 

She takes care of herself and her body first and foremost, with right diet, nutrition, exercise, and sleep.

 

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This can sometimes be easier said than done, however.  Proper self-care truly requires management of all aspects of one’s life and will be covered separately. (: