Loving yourself, dear reader, is without question, absolutely necessary for any kind of success, achievement, and happiness as a woman. However, too often women are simply told that they need to forget about their insecurities and just “love themselves.” Or, better yet, something along the lines of “love yourself or nobody will.”
While these statements are all true, the approach and intent of this advice is wrong. A woman who does not fully love herself cannot just decide that she is going to begin cherishing everything about her. Love is a natural effect, and it can’t be forced in that way. This advice comes with a tinge of superiority and a lack of empathy and compassion. Because it is not delivered with love (no pun intended 😉 ) it will not cure her, and in fact will probably make her feel worse about herself. Moreover, when she is told to love herself, she is told this by people who do not know, do not care, and perhaps can’t understand the very valid and real reasons why she might have beliefs about herself that are less than complimentary.
Those reasons need to be examined carefully, over time, for the woman to come to an understanding about how very special, blessed, and unique she is. She needs to discover where beliefs such as “I’m not beautiful” or “I’m not intelligent” or any other such limitations came from, and then reject the source mentality as incorrect.
The largest roadblock and limitation for a huge number of women is the belief that they are not beautiful. It is very difficult for a woman to live in a completely loving state, towards herself, and towards the world, if she does not belief she is a beautiful person, both outwardly and inwardly. This false belief could have come from any number of sources, all very prevalent and difficult to avoid in our society, a couple of which might include:
- Her mother, father, siblings, or other family members and close associates criticized her or made fun of her for some part of her physical attributes, repeatedly
- Someone compared her to another girl or woman (in real life or even an image or celebrity), at some point, and pointed out how she should look or be more like this; at the time this affected and imprinted her because she didn’t yet know enough to reject that sort of thinking as incorrect
What a woman needs to understand, is that any time anyone told her that, in some way, she was less worthy or less talented, that person was incorrect and speaking from a state of ignorance. She needs to reject that ignorance and live in the space of knowing that as a woman, solely by virtue of being a woman, she is amazing, talented, beautiful, and capable of all things she puts her mind and attention to.
Each time she thinks or is about to think something negative about herself, a woman needs to pause for a moment and examine that. She needs to think ask herself why she believes it is acceptable for her to say or think this about herself when she would never dream of saying something so hurtful to another person. Or she might stop and get in touch with her feminine divinity: as a woman, she is nature’s highest creation and those sorts of thoughts or even openly-voiced criticisms of herself are literally an insult to nature, and to god.
“After women, flowers are the most divine creations.” – Christian Dior
This is why a man, boyfriend, or husband will also become irritated or frustrated with a woman when she has “insecurities.” The response is incorrect, as it will not get them what they want, but it is nevertheless illustrative. A man knows that when a woman feels badly about herself, she is unable to give, and what’s more she is insulting him as well, though she likely doesn’t perceive that. She is literally sabotaging whatever she is that god created to be loved and a man was designed to admire.
To overcome any past errors and mistakes and to forgive herself of them, no matter how grievous, she needs to understand that those errors came from either ignorance or pain, in herself. She needs to understand that had she was acting out of beliefs that are false; when she replaces those with the truth, any anger or resentment towards herself and others will vanish.
“When you know better, you do better.” – Maya Angelou
As soon as she realizes that she was doing what she knew at the time, and is not chained to those sorts of beliefs and errors forever, she will be able to forgive herself, “move on,” and stop beating herself up.