Feminine Modesty

Modesty, dear reader, encompasses not only the way a woman clothes herself, but also the way she behaves and the way she speaks to others.

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Modesty, though it often is erroneously associated with either naiveté or prudery, is neither.  To be properly and artfully achieved and displayed, modesty must combine a combination of knowledge, understanding, and personal confidence.  When done right, modesty will earn a woman respect and admiration, and will keep the not-so-desirable elements of life at a distance from her.  It is the wise woman that understands that this is the real reason behind modesty; it is not a contrivance meant to diminish or undercut her sexuality or talents.  In fact, it will enhance them – without this modesty, it is difficult for a woman to move forward and advance to something even beyond what she already is.  The truly confident woman does not need to publicize either her body or her accomplishments; because she is a woman of significance, and she knows herself to be such, those elements of her make-up are but accessories.

It is true, dear reader, that confidence is silent and insecurities are loud.

Take for example, reporter Betty Liu’s surprise when she was out with Jay Z and his friends following a football game.  She notes in her book, Work Smarts:

“I observed that out of all the guys in that room, Jay Z – the host and star – was one of the quietest.  He was very attentive, turning his head to whoever was talking and responding when asked and laughing along but he must have been the fourth or fifth quietest guy in the room.”

She later noted on Bloomberg that he didn’t need to broadcast himself in that way “because he was Jay Z.”

This, dear reader, is the reason why a person will be propelled to greatness, and it is how he or she earns the respect and admiration that is his or her due.

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When a woman displays her body, she is looking for validation, compliments, love.  She is announcing to the world that she doesn’t have enough of these things because she is giving that away to the world, free of charge.  It is a case of over-giving; when a woman gives without expecting anything in return, she decreases her value in the eyes of both herself and those to whom she is giving.  A woman’s body is a gift and a blessing; it should be displayed tactfully, and artfully at times when the woman is sure that it will be cherished as the wonder that it is.

When a woman speaks overly much about herself, her knowledge, and her accomplishments, she is looking for that same validation and is almost certain not to find it.  Take for example, the woman, who, while at an art museum, seeks to impress the tour guide by mentioning her previous visits to the Louvre or her fine appreciation for Dali’s work.  Not only is she losing an opportunity to learn what she doesn’t yet know, by bringing up these subjects at an inappropriate time, unrequested, she makes herself look foolish.  Dear reader, there are many, many situations in which a woman will do this, almost involuntarily and subconsciously if she is not careful to guard against it.  She has not yet fully learned that life’s truly worthwhile opportunities will not come to her in this manner – they will come to her when someone else notices, through his or her own observation, rather than through the woman’s persuasion, what her talents and abilities are.

 Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. – Proverbs 18:12

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. – Proverbs 27:2

A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness. – Proverbs 12:23

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In relationships and on dates too, this is a major pitfall for women.  When a woman speaks incessantly of her activities, wants, and needs, she will repel any man.  Moreover, many otherwise intelligent women do not understand this principle as it applies to men.

When a man tells a woman about his work or some other area of interest for him, what he is looking for is for her to simply listen and to support and love him for it on an emotional level.  He will not be impressed when she demonstrates how much more she knows about the subject; rather he will be annoyed because he is not getting what he wants.  And, dear reader, this has nothing to do with men not valuing intelligence in women – they do.

However, a man also looks for a woman who can be in tune with him and who will have the tact and wisdom to know when to display her knowledge.  It can also signal the man to think twice about a woman if he is not yet serious with her and it can diminish a man’s love for his girlfriend or wife if she does this.  This is because a man instinctively, if not consciously, knows the woman’s intent – he knows that she is trying to sell herself to him, to make herself appear, in his eyes, more than she is or believes she is.

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That sort of insecurity, dear reader, may not be enough to totally deter a man, but it will also certainly not go undetected or unnoticed.

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