There is a good and honorable sort of pride, dear reader, and that is the pride that is the opposite of servility.
It is pride in one’s accomplishments, one’s achievements, one’s efforts, and one’s striving to become a better and truer version of herself.
It is what society at large refers to as “confidence” and it is a woman’s knowledge that she is no more, but also no less than any other single person on the planet.
The woman with a healthy sense of pride and self-respect understands that she has just as much right to good treatment, the respect and esteem of others, wealth, a good relationship, and a happy, fulfilling life – as any other woman on the planet. She does not give away her inherent power by ingratiating herself before others. While she certainly may admire and learn from others, she puts no other woman on a level that she believes is for herself, unattainable. She does not hopelessly imitate or idolize other women, and she does not spend her time wishing she had the things that she believes makes these women superior to herself.
No, the women with adequate pride and self-respect understands that literally every single person on this planet has her flaws and short-comings, and she understands that having faults does not mean she does not deserve dignity. She understands that proper dignity is a right to everyone, no matter their past actions, wealth, position, or beauty.
The servile woman, on the other hand, gives away her power. She may do this for a number of reasons. Perhaps she has been taught growing up to put herself last and that it is okay that she work and give of herself without receiving appreciation and respect in return. She lets others make decisions for her and constantly defers her opinions and what she believes is right to avoid any potential conflict or unpleasantness.
This sort of behavior is, needless to say, unattractive to men and will undoubtedly put a strain in her relationships with men who are either willing to overlook or work with her on it. A man is uncomfortable with this trait in a woman, dear reader, because he knows himself very well, and he also knows that despite his best efforts, his actions will not, 100% of the time be in her best interests, or be what is right for the relationship. A man is put at ease when he knows that a woman will have sufficient pride and self-respect to stand up for herself and correct him (kindly and gently of course) when this is the case. For the woman who shows servile tendencies, however, he knows he can’t count on this – it is very hard for him to fully trust her.
Even worse, such a woman may fall into a relationship or pseudo-relationship with a man who has no intention of giving her respect or good care or even an abusive situation.
What she needs to do, dear reader, is to unlearn it.
She mustn’t think her situation is hopeless, or this is just another one of her flaws that can’t be overcome and or that this is the reason why she isn’t deserving of the love and respect that should be her due.
One way a woman may arrive at this sense of healthy pride and self-respect, if she doesn’t have it naturally, is to concentrate on the inner worth of people. She decides that what she values in others is not the clothes they wear, the size of their bank accounts, or the positions they hold, but as Martin Luther King would say, “the content of their characters.” In this way, she learns to ignore the irrelevant in people and when comparing values and character of others she is equally, if not more so, deserving of dignity and respect.
However, it is not necessary, dear reader, to have such a noble outlook or the perception of Dr. King to come to the understanding that pride and dignity are one’s right.
A woman may think that she will be criticized or unloved if she does not give up her power – what she needs to do is realize that anyone who opposes her claiming her rightful place as a divine woman deserving of respect is not someone whose words she needs to pay attention to or value. In fact, it is very likely that such a person will have accomplished little, if anything, meaningful in his or her life – people who do not respect others do not go very far.
A woman who is religiously inclined may also realize that she is degrading herself and the position for which God intended not only human beings, but women to have. She is insulting that and betraying it each time she acts with servility.
The best way for her to overcome this mindset is to each time a situation arises, act as her own best friend and confront the offender. Much of the time, the offender may be mildly surprised and immediately alter his or her opinion of the woman in question.
It is the other portion of the cases that the woman has learned to fear – when the offender becomes angry or causes the situation to become unpleasant for her. What she needs to do in this case, is forget any sort of personal baggage or superficial details and focus purely on what she believes is right. For example, if a client has failed to pay her for service that she’s rendered, she needs to simply ignore any personal attacks or other unpleasantness and focus on the point that it is simply not right for a person to receive a service without paying for it. She needs to assume moral authority, because with this she will never fail to achieve her point. If the offender refuses to act appropriately and give her her due, he or she must live with the fact that they are acting in a manner that is not right. If, on the other hand, the woman behaves in a servile manner, the offender is not forced to face this moral dilemma and has been “let off the hook.” In short, the woman has compromised her principles in order to avoid something unpleasant.
What will be a great aid to her, is if she knows that she can trust herself. When a woman knows, dear reader, that she can remain calm, self-possessed, and fully collected in such a situation, she will not dread it and will not betray herself. Practicing self-control and inward focus will be a huge help.