Women ~can~ have it all

If there is one view, dear reader, that traditional femininity and modern-day general opinion has gotten wrong – this is it.

For a woman to “have it all” has generally meant that she is able to achieve a high level of success in her work or career as well as with her husband and family.  In short, she is the professional “boss lady” and the domestic goddess at the same time.

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The two are rarely found in the same woman at the same time, but this does not mean it is impossible.

Often-times the woman who is professionally successful, is not successful domestically because she doesn’t understand human behavior as it relates to intimate male-female interactions.  She doesn’t understand what a man is looking for and what will make for a happy relationship, marriage, and home.  She mistakenly attributes this to her lack of time or energy left over after focusing on her professional work, or to the notion that a man is “intimidated” by how successful she is.

Nothing, dear reader, could be further from the truth, or more tragically so.  The success she has achieved is not important to a man – in fact, he will be proud of it if it doesn’t stand in the way of a loving relationship.  What does matter to him is whether or not she will use it to make him feel inferior and unnecessary in her life and whether or not she attempts to attract him with these things.

An unfortunate number of women do not understand men and will attempt to impress a man with her professional accomplishments and abilities.  She does not understand that this is her value as a professional, not as a lover or a girlfriend and wife.  This does not mean that he does not appreciate and admire those qualities in a woman, dear reader.  It means that they are not what will make him fall in love with her.  She may have those qualities, as well as the qualities that will make him fall head over heels for her though – the two are not mutually exclusive.

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Such an attempt to impress and allure men with her professional prowess, will seem like competition to a man.  He will not get it.  He won’t understand the woman’s intention and he’ll be confused.  Because this is not what allures a man or holds a relationship together.

What will enable domestic bliss is a woman’s ability to solve conflicts, to understand and sympathize with the man, and her ability to foster love – to make sure that both she and he are loved, appreciated, and valued.

The art of love, dear reader, is not so very complicated – a woman must do two things in order to be successful at it: she must (1) understand and sympathize with the man and (2) give him adequate opportunities to feel and be useful to her.

At the end of the day, all a man wants to do is to be the cause of a woman’s happiness and joy.  He wants someone to confide in and someone to trust.

What many “career women” have backwards is their idea of how it is supposed to work – they act on the premise that they have to win the man and convince the man of their value.  This is true, dear reader, but not in the sense that they believe.

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A woman acting from the premise that she is a gift to men, and her feminine influence will bring joy and fulfillment to a man’s life will act in the appropriate ways with a man.  She will not attempt to compete with him, but to work with him.  She listens and attempts to soothe his sorrows, while also playfully teasing and encouraging him to make her happy.

What many traditional feminists get wrong is the belief that professional success is simply incompatible with true femininity and domestic success.  They believe that a woman working outside of the home cannot possibly have the time for romance, or to have that relaxed, calm, playful state so necessary to continued happiness at home.  Or that the truly feminine woman would not do well in the still male-dominated “harsh world” of business.

It’s true – a woman must have a sense of what is appropriate and when.  For her to act playful and teasing with her associates at work would be downright distracting and would likely result in many difficult and uncomfortable situations both for her and for her coworkers.  But this is not incompatible with her being that way at home, dear reader.  A woman can be modest and reserved in her professional life, while still maintaining femininity.  In fact, most men would agree that a woman who is modest outside of the home and carries herself professionally is more feminine.  And it is highly unlikely that a single husband would want his wife to reveal too much of her femininity to anyone else but him – he sees it as his exclusive right.

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What many traditional feminists have in mind is the fully absorbed, mechanical, drill-sergeant-like woman.  They believe this is necessary for advancement in the business-world.  Again, this is a fallacy.  Now more than ever, the traditionally feminine skills – listening, strategizing, cooperation, team work – are what is important and what will accomplish the most in an organization.  A woman does not need to transform herself into a man in order to win respect and authority.  In fact, she will probably win it faster and with more ease if she does not.  A few gentle, but firm words, dear reader, are far more effective at both motivating and disciplining someone at work than strong harsh ones, whether they come from a man or a woman.

And in fact, the woman who knows both the arts of femininity as well as what it takes to be a talented professional should be poised to achieve greater success in the office than men because she has an acute knowledge of human nature and knows how to use that to her advantage to achieve a worthy and worthwhile agenda.

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