Levels of Romantic Involvement

Dear reader, this is a subject which many women become frustrated with and confused about.  Countless women wish to be married when they are girlfriends, or girlfriends when they are simply women in whom a particular man will display occasional interest and attention.

There are reasons why a woman will be at a particular level or category for a man, and when she is aware of what those reasons are, she is able to accept them with some relief or experience an “aha-moment” and then work to change either herself, her approach, or the way she comes across.

Some of the levels of romantic involvement include: acquaintances/associates, friends, friends with benefits, the one-night stand, relationship, pseudo-relationship, and finally engagement and marriage.

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  • Acquaintances/associates:

When a woman is in the “acquaintance” category with a man, he does not desire to cultivate anything further than a strictly distant and professional relationship with her.  He will not pursue her in a platonic or a romantic sense.  This could be for any number of reasons.  It could be because:

  • He isn’t available
  • She isn’t available
  • He feels no physical attraction towards her (i.e. there is no chemistry)
  • He believes she is “out of his league”
  • He doesn’t respect her, either because of the way she dresses, acts and speaks, or because of the things he has heard about her
  • His personality is incompatible and would clash with hers
  • He finds her annoying and abrasive
  • She is stand-offish, or sends clear signals to him to keep his distance

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  • Friends
    When a man is friends with a woman, he respects her and she is someone he enjoys spending time with. He likes her, as a person, and is interested in who she is, her personality, and her interests, skills, talents, or hobbies.  She has the potential to become more than a friend to him if conditions change, but the reasons why she is, at the moment, only a friend might include:

    • A case of bad timing; perhaps he feels he isn’t financially (or in some other manner) ready to have a woman in his life
    • He isn’t sure about whether or not he wants to pursue her and is taking his time to get to know her more thoroughly
    • He isn’t physically or sexually attracted to her, but still enjoys spending time with her
    • She isn’t available
    • He isn’t available
    • She is overly-masculine or comes across as being too preoccupied and busy for a man
    • He is attracted to her, but also values his friendship with her and can’t overcome his fear that she might reject him and he lose that friendship
    • She is not what he’s looking for in a woman, physically, personality-wise, or intellectually

  • Friends with benefits
    When a man is in a “friends-with-benefits” type of interaction with a woman, he sees her as a convenient and casual means for physical, and sometimes a bit of emotional and intellectual stimulation. She is not a “friend” to him as he doesn’t truly think about her enough or enjoy her company enough to spend time with her, if that time doesn’t include physical intimacy.  A woman is likely in this category for a man because:

    • He believes, or convinces himself, that she feels as he does and the casual, lack of attachment is mutual (i.e. she doesn’t care about him too much)
    • He is physically attracted to her and there is chemistry
    • She has agreed to this level of relationship
    • He doesn’t have a great enough measure of trust in her to pursue anything further
    • He doesn’t want to get to know her more as a person
    • He feels that she won’t advance him, as a man, professional, or person, but does see enough good qualities in her not to avoid her presence

  • One-night stand

The one-night-stand is just that: a one-time interaction in which the man is free to do as he pleases and be as he pleases because there are no further requirements.  He usually does not pursue the woman; however, it is possible that he becomes intrigued with her if she radically and suddenly changes her behavior or seems as though she is completely indifferent to him or shows a sudden drop-off in interest in him that leaves him wondering and confused.  The reasons why a woman might be put into the one-night-stand category for a man include:

  • He is not ready for a relationship or anything further; perhaps he is not in the position, financially or otherwise, for it, or he is still recovering from a past relationship
  • He finds her passably attractive and appealing
  • He is indifferent to what her personality is like or what else she may have to offer
  • She allows it, and he has difficulty saying no to something so easy in the moment
  • It gives him a sense of power and masculine authority
  • He feels she isn’t worth further pursuit – she isn’t attractive enough to him, etc.
  • He doesn’t like her personality

Laura Loves...

  • Relationship

A man seeks a relationship when he doesn’t want anyone else to have a woman.  He wants her to be his, and unavailable to other men.  He is both attracted to her physically, and likes her as a friend.  He finds her personality appealing enough to want to spend time with her.  A woman is in this category because:

  • The man is not yet ready for the full commitment of marriage, but loves the woman and really enjoys time spent with her
  • Feels that she makes him a better person and a better man
  • He is physically attracted and has chemistry with her
  • Time spent with her is rewarding and pleasant
  • He likes her personality
  • He would be comfortable with her meeting his family and his family meeting her
  • He wants to “show her off”
  • She is a trusted confidant and will listen to him
  • She seems to understand and “get” him
  • He trusts her and her judgment
  • He wants more of her, and she has given him some requirements to meet

Laura Loves...

  • Pseudo-relationship
    As is the case in the relationship, if a man is in a pseudo-relationship with a woman, he likes her and is physically attracted to her. He also feels some measure of possession about her, and will not want her to be available to other men.  However, he doesn’t feel that strongly enough to have an exclusive relationship with her and is not willing to put aside other women for her.  The reasons a woman might be in a pseudo-relationship include:

    • He is not ready for something more, financially or otherwise
    • He doesn’t feel she is worth it – he believes that his freedom is greater than what she has to offer him
    • She doesn’t make it necessary for him to have anything further
    • He likes her personality and has strong attraction to her, but doesn’t feel attraction and captivation to her alone
    • She isn’t well tuned-in to him and doesn’t have understanding of how he thinks and what he wants
    • She doesn’t correct him (kindly and at the right times) and help him to grow

lil lotta love

  • Engagement/marriage

A man will want to marry a woman when he feels that there are no other women like her, that she is unique, and when he would have a difficult time coping with it if she ever became someone else’s.  He feels that she makes him better and he has deep love and respect for her, that go well beyond initial chemistry and attraction.  A woman is married because:

  • She makes him better
  • He fears she will leave and find another to replace him if he doesn’t
  • She is extremely high value, and thus rare: she has tact, grace, intelligence, beauty, and charm
  • She mesmerizes him; time spent with her is when he is happiest
  • He wants a family and children with her
  • He believes she would be a good mother
  • He is comfortable with having her mingle with his family members
  • He trusts her a great deal

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