Archive | May 2016

Dealing with Non~Constructive Criticism

As a refined and elegant woman of excellence, dear reader, you need to hold yourself to a high standard of behavior.

One area where that will be tested is in how you react and respond to criticism that is sent out with the intent to hurt you, that is, criticism that is not constructive.  You need to understand where this comes from and what the appropriate response is, because your natural instinct is likely to respond in kind, or to internalize it and feel bad about yourself.


images via Glamour (Spain).  photos by Bèla Adler and Salvador Fresneda, model Valerie van der Graaf, styling by Miriam Arruga:


This was the battle of Jackie Robinson’s life:

Rickey’s voice rose. ‘Suppose I’m a player. . . in the heat of an important ball game.’ He drew back as if to charge at Robinson. ‘Suppose I collide with you at second base. When I get up, I yell, ‘You dirty, black son of a -‘ ‘He finished the castigation and added calmly, ‘What do you do?’

Robinson blinked. He licked his lips and swallowed.

‘Mr. Rickey,’ he murmured, ‘do you want a ballplayer who’s afraid to fight back?’

‘I want a ballplayer with guts enough not to fight back!’ Rickey exclaimed almost savagely. He paced across the floor and returned with finger pointing. ‘You’ve got to do this job with base hits and stolen bases and fielding ground balls, Jackie. Nothing else!’


He initially thought as you likely do at this moment, dear reader, that you must “stand up for yourself” and “fight back.”  However, imagine if Robinson had behaved in that way, with his natural instincts.  He would have never made it into the Baseball Hall of Fame, or have broken the “color barrier” to become the legend we still remember him as today.  His energy would have been wasted on such petty issues that truly didn’t matter, instead of being channeled into a direction that changed history.



Now if could just get my breast to be like this again, oh wait they were never like this, what was I thinking?:



But there is a better, more intelligent option available to you.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but what you must do is to simply ignore that criticism, and if possible, simply shut it out completely or disallow its access to you in the first place.

Whatever you do, do not show a reaction to it.  True transcendence and imperviousness to this kind of behavior will come when you understand it and can dismiss it as both untrue and irrelevant.  As opposed to constructive criticism, which comes from a place of true concern and love, this comes from a place of hatred and the intent to cause you pain.  At that point, it’s not important whether the criticism is true, has some basis in truth, or is completely false – as long as it achieves the intended result of shutting you down or making you feel less about yourself, it “wins” so to speak.


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When you don’t react to it, you deny that desire, and the frustration and negativity that originally motivated the criticism will increase in the source, instead of transferring itself to you.

When you react – either positively or negatively, it doesn’t matter – you give satisfaction and you allow such criticism access to you.  Moreover, when you react, you make yourself appear less mature, and less powerful – you lose some of the respect others have for you, even if they were the ones who tried to get you to respond to their criticism.  When you don’t react, you dismiss such words and emotions as inferior to you, which they truly are.  The person who originated the criticism will feel that and will likely feel even worse because they understand that on a subconscious level.

As a beautiful and loving feminine woman, a woman of power who does important and meaningful work, you can’t afford to take on such negativity – you must learn to respond correctly.

You can usually sense what kind of criticism you are dealing with, dear reader, when you tune into your feminine intuition.  When your mother tells you that she’s concerned about an unhealthy life-style choice you have made, this is likely coming from a place of love, and is constructive criticism.  When an associate puts you down in a belittling way, or tries to humiliate you in front of others, that is non-constructive criticism.


#2 Sandra lives in a luxurious society. She does not always like being in this society because she feels out of place. Others at Yale, though, have no problem with living the ritzy life. ♕:


What’s important to understand first and foremost is that such non-constructive criticism is never personal.  It is never about you or what it true in your own life.  It is always about the person who is giving it and how he or she feels inside.  This is why internalizing such feedback and criticism will be a mistake and makes you feel so terrible.  When you accept and internalize constructive criticism, on the other hand, it will lead you to make positive changes, and to feel better about yourself.

huge part of leading a healthy lifestyle and taking care of yourself as a high-value, and powerful woman is to close yourself off to such behavior.

Not understanding this, you internalize comments and ideas that prevent you from being the amazing and incredible woman you were meant to be, dear reader (: