“Giving” and “Taking”

The mindset of “giving” and “taking” is something which has taken hold in many women’s relationships.

Women are simultaneously advised not to over-give and also not to be “too needy” or childish, in that they are taking more than they give in a relationship, whether that be with a significant other or among friends.


Beautiful Megalochori Sunset, Santorini Greece] ... #TNDreamBoard:


The problem with this thinking, dear reader, is that you are so focused on keeping score, and making sure that everything is even, that you can’t simply enjoy the relationship.

Giving has taken on an almost negative connotation in this context; it is being confused with a different concept, and that is giving something that you do not feel in your heart.

Giving something you do not genuinely feel is inauthenticity and really does not benefit either person in the relationship.  However giving for it’s own sake, when you simply give of yourself because you enjoy it, is the only way relationships can truly flourish.

Relationships struggle when participants give only in order to get, and also when they give against an internal feeling of resistance.


Vladimir Volegova @Alexandra Dobiyanski (you at the Red Cup):


Giving is much like the feeling of gratitude, in that it tells the world, “I have enough, in fact I have more than enough, so much so that I’d love to share it with you.”

And this outlook and behavior tends to create positive feedback, bringing in more abundance, that in turn lifts everyone involved upwards.

“Selfish” and closed~off thinking comes from thoughts of lack and fear – fear that you do not have enough, which creates behaviors in yourself that in turn creates responses in others that turn them away from you, creating the exact opposite – a negative feedback loop that re~affirms the initial state of lack.

Truly magnetic women, dear reader, are women who have learned how to give of themselves, their authentic selves.  They are not afraid to help out their fellow women and others, in whatever capacity suits them and the occasion, even if it is as simple as just giving a brief smile to another.


Blake Lively ♥:


This doesn’t mean that they live beyond their means financially or that they say yes to every invitation if it is not in line with their true selves and values.  Quite the opposite.  What it does mean is that they have a mentality of abundance and that they expect good things to happen to them, and positive responses from the world. And because they expect this as the natural course of events, that is exactly what they find.

The woman who is trying to keep an even score and see to it that she is getting equal to or more than she gives in a relationship is placing her happiness in something external to herself; moreover, this almost always backfires because people can sense what your unspoken motives are and be turned off, even if they don’t consciously understand why.

The problem many so-called givers run into (and the reason, perhaps, why the name has been given a bad rep), is that they are not also open to receiving.   They block the good things that are sent back to them, because they haven’t yet learned how to graciously accept in a spirit of gratitude.


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7 thoughts on ““Giving” and “Taking”

  1. Thank you for your post, great reminder!
    It took a long time before I see the concept of giving and receiving I keep in my mind and what I keep doing in my life. I used to receive with a feeling of guilt and give with annoyance. When I trace the sources of those feelings the block was removed and slowly I learn to receive from God’s abundance with gratitude and give from the abundance of my heart with joy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: “Giving” and “Taking” | poly pride

  3. Your article is well written. Yes when one is giving one has to give from the heart. It applies to men as well. Anand Bose from Kerala


  4. I agreed with much of your post, however there does come a time within a relationship when one has given too much. Maybe that is because of the expectation of some reciprocity of caring in return. Realistically however, that is what relationships should be. No one can give infinitely to a black hole. Thier emotional resources are finite. I do not believe in keeping score. Relationships are not always 50/50 but there has to be some balance or the scales will eventually tip over.


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