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Handling Rejection, Becoming a Brand

Many women, dear reader, are generic imitations rather than their own brand.  This is the reason why so many have difficulty handling rejection emotionally, because they are unsure of themselves and who they are, and therefore will take rejection from someone else personally.

 

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The woman who has made herself her own unique brand, however, and has the courage to stand by it, will not have to place so much importance into what another thinks of her – she will be more centered and sure of herself.

“It takes guts to be a brand.  It takes guts to stand for what you believe in, even if it’s not popular.  You can’t be all things to all people if you want to be a brand.”

Women who have not yet developed themselves into a brand are the ones who are out trying too hard to fit into what others deem as cool, what a man wants in a relationship, and are slaves to outside opinion.

Not everyone likes Coca-Cola.  In fact, some despise everything it stands for.  However, because Coca-Cola developed itself into a centralized brand with clear distinctions that make it unmistakably what it is, virtually everyone knows what it is and is not, and it is the reason why it is currently a successful multi-billion dollar company.

 

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Coca-cola isn’t concerned over the fact that some dislike and won’t buy their product.  That rejection has no power over them and it isn’t taken personally because it is simply a fundamental truth that brands are not designed for universal consumption in the way that something generic is.

Companies, people, and especially women simply cannot be all things to all people and should never try to be!

Many bad relationships, dear reader, are the result of a woman not understanding her brand and standing by it.  Kris Humphries disliked Kim Kardashian’s materialism, extravagance, obsession with makeup, and other qualities that were simply part of who she was as a woman and as a brand.  Not understanding that those qualities were part of her brand and that whoever was going to be her life-partner needed to accept them rather than continuously neg them, she didn’t stand up for those aspects of herself and as a result ended up in an extremely unhappy, destructive, and unhealthy marriage.  This wasn’t some fundamental failing on either of their parts, it was simply a case of a die-hard health nut being forced to partner with McDonalds.

The woman who can turn herself into a brand is the woman who is above the emotional sting of taking rejection, in any form, personally.  Kim didn’t need to sit and beat herself up over the fact that she wasn’t everything Humphries wanted, she went out and found Kanye!  The woman who develops her unique brand and fully embraces it rejects those who reject her.  She doesn’t have to try so hard to be something she’s not, but instead she’s at ease and relaxed.  She has more control over who she is and what she does, and she is firmly in the driver’s seat of her own life and relationships.

 

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How to Be a High Value Woman

There is one key feature of the high value woman, dear reader – one trait that instantly determines whether or not she is “high value” or “high status.”

 

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And that one trait is that she gives value to whomever she comes into contact with.

The low-value woman (or person) is immediately identifiable in by the reverse trait.  She takes from those she comes into contact with.  This is because this is all she is capable of – she hasn’t evolved, matured, and developed herself to the point of being capable of giving to others.

She is concerned and focused on what she is receiving in her relationships, rather than on what she is giving and how she is making another’s life and experience better.

The high-value woman understand the importance of contribution.  She contributes with her professional work, her family, her relationships, and her community.

 

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She looks for ways she can make things better, and because she is constantly looking, she finds them everywhere (:

She cares about and lives for more than just herself.  And this is where her high sense of self-worth and self-esteem come from also.  It is impossible, dear reader, to feel great about yourself unless you can feel that you are contributing in some way to people and causes that are outside of and larger than yourself.

 

“What I know is, that you have to take responsibility for the space you hold, here” – Oprah Winfrey

 

In personal relationships, the high value woman does not complain or gossip or behave in petty or immature ways because she understands that these behaviors are all draining and take value from whoever she is interacting with.

 

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When she has been hurt or is tired and stressed, she does not falsely pretend that she doesn’t feel those emotions, but she is also mature enough not to act out on them destructively or to complain.

Instead, she adds value to those she comes into contact through through her humanity, her generosity, her concern, her femininity, her deep emotion, and her compassion.

Her smile and her tears have the power to move the world because she is that influential and high value.  (:

 

 

How to Focus on Yourself

Not focusing on yourself is a major roadblock for many women, dear reader, and it comes in several forms.

First, to clarify what is meant by this – it’s not being self-centered or egocentric or losing your empathy and concern for others.  It’s focusing on your own path, your own work, your own unique mission in this world, rather than giving your time, attention and energy to other people or sources.

 

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This can be one of the toughest practices to master – being selfish in the sense that you feed your own spirit and soul by refusing to give away your time, energy, and attention to anything that doesn’t serve that.  In contrast, being “selfish” in the negative sense is feeding your ego – it’s pouring attention and energy into your persona.  This is always a mistake.  Your persona is simply a conduit for your purpose and spirit, it is never the end goal and any energy that ends up feeding it will have an ugly end and turn people off.  This comes off in any number of forms, including arrogance, “bitchiness”, and even body image insecurities.

Many women half-learn this and glorify the image of themselves as the “bitch” but if they were fully honest with themselves, they’d know that something still feels off.  Focusing on yourself, this sort of selfishness, once you master it, will never result in any sort of “bitchy” or harsh confrontations, because you will be acting out of your soul and spirit, not your ego.

 

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What’s important to remember is that your personality, your body, etc. are there to serve your purpose in life, not to get in the way.

And for the record, (though this issue has nothing to do directly with attracting men), men do not love bitches, counter to what impressions that best-selling title might have given you.  They love the boundaries and the ability of these women to say no to others when it doesn’t serve the best interests of their life purpose, soul, and who they are as a woman.  They see that the woman knows how to value her own unique self, and the divine within herself.   They may tolerate it until they find someone better and more evolved, but they don’t love the abrasive or nasty tendencies of the “bitch.”  And, yes, you can achieve one without the other with a bit of practice and by becoming aware of the problem (:

 

We listen to other people’s ideas of what is self-destructive without ever looking at whether their self and our self have similar needs.  Caught in the Virtue Trap, we refuse to ask ourselves, ‘What are my needs? What would I do if it weren’t too selfish?

There are powerful payoffs to be found in staying stuck and deferring nurturing your sense of self.  For many, the belief that they must be nice and worry about what will happen with their friends, family, mate if they dare to do what they really want will happen with their friends, family, mate, if they dare to do what they really want to constitutes a powerful reason for non-action.  Many sabotage themselves most frequently by making nice.  There is a tremendous cost to such ersatz virtue.  Many of us have made a virtue out of deprivation.  We have embraced a long-suffering anorexia as a martyr’s cross.  We have used it to feed a false sense of spirituality grounded in being good, meaning superior.

We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish.  We want to be generous, of service, of the world.  But what we really want is to be left alone.  When we can’t get others to leave us alone, we eventually abandon ourselves.  We have checked out.  Afraid to appear selfish, we lose our self.  We become self-destructive.

 

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What will be tough about this dear reader, is that saying ‘yes’ to yourself and what you really want will first involve you first being honest with yourself about what you really want, and then require you to say ‘no’ to others, over and over again, with no apology.

If you are not used to this, the people around you will likely give you some difficulty:

 

Mary knows the same thing as she agrees to round five of baby-sitting for her sister so she can go out.  Saying no to her sister would be saying yes to herself, and that is a responsibility that Mary just can’t handle.  Free on a Friday night?  What would she do with herself?  That’s a good question, and one of many that Mary has used her virtue to ignore.

 

If you are in such a habit, to break it is going to require time and courage.  Be gentle on yourself.  You will fail in certain instances after you make this resolution, go back on your intentions, and then want to get angry at yourself.  To make the matter even harder, you need to fight not only yourself, but the protests and resistances of the people whom you have been giving your power away to.  However, once you gain clarity and fully see the problem, it will become natural.  You will get there.

 

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Another form of this comes in putting your attention into others you do not even know,  perhaps sports personalities or celebrities, whether that be admiration or jealousy.  This is unnatural and misplaced.  These people are simply entertainment and professionals that have mastered their craft.

Instead of pouring your own unique energy and talents into your dreams and life purpose, you pour them into these figures and make them otherworldly gods and goddesses in your own mind.  This sort of idol worship needs to go if you are to reach your full potential – see them for what they are, other human beings who have worked very hard to get where they are, but nothing more and certainly not greater or less than you or any other human being on the planet.

 

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Any feelings of competitive jealousy need to go as well.  Their vast success isn’t stopping you from achieving your potential – what’s stopping you is that you aren’t focused on yourself and getting to where you are supposed to be, who you are meant to be.

“The world needs you!  It needs your heart, ideas, and most importantly, your unique perspective.” – Jetaun Davis

 

Limits

This topic, dear reader, is a powerful concept and it touches every single aspect of your life, from your relationships, to your financial status to your health.

We all grow up believing in some sort of limits.

 

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For some of us, those limits were more constricting than that of others, but they were still there.  And most women tend to unconsciously carry the limits they grew up believing with them into adulthood, not understanding that most of that was simply taken on faith, without examining those beliefs or thinking through them critically.

Let’s take relationships with men, for example.

Many women come to truly believe any number of limiting concepts including that men only want them for sex, men will use them, men will try to control them, men will only give them gifts on holidays, etc.

 

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Financially, unless you are one of the few born to wealthy parents, you come to believe such concepts as “money doesn’t grow on trees”;  you come to believe that money is something difficult to come by, something that must be struggled for, something that is used as a tool of control over others.

The idea that none of this is even true, that they are simply self-imposed limits that serve to cause self-sabotage to success, happiness, and fulfillment is so foreign a concept that it most likely never crosses your mind.

To see the truth of this, begin with a young child you know.  Tell her with conviction (this is important – if there’s no conviction in your voice it will not work) that she’s beautiful, intelligent, and that one day she’s going to be very successful.  Watch how she changes her behavior in ways that fulfill your words (:

 

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Don’t Teach Pigs to Sing

There is an aphorism, dear reader, that goes: never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig (Robert Heinlein).

This is an interesting and incredibly useful concept to understand.  Often-times we have excellent intentions to show another a better way, or we try to solve some problem that they are having for them.

This is a mistake.

Attempting to change another for the better will not only annoy and irritate that person, you will find that you wasted a lot of time and energy that would have been better spent advancing your own cause.

 

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And often this is the only way you can really help anyone anyhow – through your actions and what they can see happening in your life, rather than anything you might argue or say to them.  Once they see that you are at peace with “letting it be” they will pay more attention to you and what you are doing, and then approach you, fully receptive to what you have to say.

First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. – Matthew 7:5

 

To be fair, this is not always done in the spirit of trying to “fix” someone else; many people do this with the intention of helping someone out or showing them the way, or they see that someone they care about is going in the wrong direction and want to do what they can.

 

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The problem is that this is not something you or anyone else can do.  Unless you are in some way responsible for that person or you are approached specifically for such advice or help, it is best to keep your peace and let the person go his or her own way.

You have no responsibility to interfere in any way, whether that person be a friend, coworker, grown son or daughter, family member, etc.  Keep your peace and you will be much happier for it – know that life will ultimately show that person what you already know and that you will be no worse off for not involving yourself or trying to stop some sort of harsh lesson that you saw coming.

Dealing with Non~Constructive Criticism

As a refined and elegant woman of excellence, dear reader, you need to hold yourself to a high standard of behavior.

One area where that will be tested is in how you react and respond to criticism that is sent out with the intent to hurt you, that is, criticism that is not constructive.  You need to understand where this comes from and what the appropriate response is, because your natural instinct is likely to respond in kind, or to internalize it and feel bad about yourself.

 

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This was the battle of Jackie Robinson’s life:

Rickey’s voice rose. ‘Suppose I’m a player. . . in the heat of an important ball game.’ He drew back as if to charge at Robinson. ‘Suppose I collide with you at second base. When I get up, I yell, ‘You dirty, black son of a -‘ ‘He finished the castigation and added calmly, ‘What do you do?’

Robinson blinked. He licked his lips and swallowed.

‘Mr. Rickey,’ he murmured, ‘do you want a ballplayer who’s afraid to fight back?’

‘I want a ballplayer with guts enough not to fight back!’ Rickey exclaimed almost savagely. He paced across the floor and returned with finger pointing. ‘You’ve got to do this job with base hits and stolen bases and fielding ground balls, Jackie. Nothing else!’

 

He initially thought as you likely do at this moment, dear reader, that you must “stand up for yourself” and “fight back.”  However, imagine if Robinson had behaved in that way, with his natural instincts.  He would have never made it into the Baseball Hall of Fame, or have broken the “color barrier” to become the legend we still remember him as today.  His energy would have been wasted on such petty issues that truly didn’t matter, instead of being channeled into a direction that changed history.

 

 

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But there is a better, more intelligent option available to you.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but what you must do is to simply ignore that criticism, and if possible, simply shut it out completely or disallow its access to you in the first place.

Whatever you do, do not show a reaction to it.  True transcendence and imperviousness to this kind of behavior will come when you understand it and can dismiss it as both untrue and irrelevant.  As opposed to constructive criticism, which comes from a place of true concern and love, this comes from a place of hatred and the intent to cause you pain.  At that point, it’s not important whether the criticism is true, has some basis in truth, or is completely false – as long as it achieves the intended result of shutting you down or making you feel less about yourself, it “wins” so to speak.

 

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When you don’t react to it, you deny that desire, and the frustration and negativity that originally motivated the criticism will increase in the source, instead of transferring itself to you.

When you react – either positively or negatively, it doesn’t matter – you give satisfaction and you allow such criticism access to you.  Moreover, when you react, you make yourself appear less mature, and less powerful – you lose some of the respect others have for you, even if they were the ones who tried to get you to respond to their criticism.  When you don’t react, you dismiss such words and emotions as inferior to you, which they truly are.  The person who originated the criticism will feel that and will likely feel even worse because they understand that on a subconscious level.

As a beautiful and loving feminine woman, a woman of power who does important and meaningful work, you can’t afford to take on such negativity – you must learn to respond correctly.

You can usually sense what kind of criticism you are dealing with, dear reader, when you tune into your feminine intuition.  When your mother tells you that she’s concerned about an unhealthy life-style choice you have made, this is likely coming from a place of love, and is constructive criticism.  When an associate puts you down in a belittling way, or tries to humiliate you in front of others, that is non-constructive criticism.

 

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What’s important to understand first and foremost is that such non-constructive criticism is never personal.  It is never about you or what it true in your own life.  It is always about the person who is giving it and how he or she feels inside.  This is why internalizing such feedback and criticism will be a mistake and makes you feel so terrible.  When you accept and internalize constructive criticism, on the other hand, it will lead you to make positive changes, and to feel better about yourself.

huge part of leading a healthy lifestyle and taking care of yourself as a high-value, and powerful woman is to close yourself off to such behavior.

Not understanding this, you internalize comments and ideas that prevent you from being the amazing and incredible woman you were meant to be, dear reader (:

The Allure of the Cat-Woman

Women, dear reader, have been associated with cats since the antiheroine character was first invented in the Batman series.

Perhaps more widely known now from the 2004 film in which Halle Berry starred as the central “Catwoman”, the juxtaposition in society’s mind about women and cats is certainly fascinating.

 

Amanda Seyfried by Vincent Peters for Glamour Spain November 2015:

 

Look at the graceful movements of a cat. Observe the lazy seductive stretches of its body. Cats are the natural exhibitors of female sex appeal. Any woman wanting to learn seductive female body language could learn well from observing a cat, and carry herself in a similar fashion. Humans have always been seduced by this appeal of these creatures from history.

Cats, dear reader, have been judged to be very feminine creatures (after all, they are referred to as felines), and if a woman would like to act in a more feminine manner, she would do well to observe and incorporate the sleek grace and cold independence of a cat.

Cats, unlike dogs, can take care of themselves; they spend many hours of each day grooming and in general, seem far less dependent upon their human owners to provide for them.

Cats can seem very self-absorbed as well, and unlike dogs do not lavish constant attention on their owner.  Instead, they go about their business and make it known when they want affection by rubbing against one’s legs, purring loudly, or staring intently with large and transfixing eyes.

Catwoman:

Most importantly, dear reader, if you wish to act in the same feline manner of the cat (or catwoman), then it is necessary for you to be independent, emotionally, financially, and otherwise, as this is what will enable you to bargain for love and affection only when and how you want it, rather than tolerating less that what you both desire and deserve (:

Try picking up a cat at any time, and see how it will scratch you. A cat’s affection for you is essentially an act of investment on it’s end.  Cats only need affection on their own terms.

 

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