Take Yourself Seriously

Often, dear reader, we hear that we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously.  However, in order to be successful, a feminine woman of excellence must take herself and her goals seriously.

 

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It is only when she does this that she can achieve the results she wants.

In times where it feels like no one will listen to you, and you are unable to achieve what it is you desire, this is the cause – you yourself aren’t taking what you want seriously enough.  When you do, and you start to show that you really mean business, people will listen and the world will move to deliver.

Too many women get stuck in cycles of inaction and frustration, or simply settle and accept what they’ve been given in their relationships, careers, and lives in general because they aren’t serious enough about themselves and what they want.

 

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“I had been in a negative mindset, but my disciplined side took over, and without any expectations on my part, things took a decidedly better turn just because I showed up.”

That is how you will need to start, dear reader, if you want to move towards a goal or better your relationships and your life.  At first, taking the actions you need to take is not going to feel good.  It will feel discouraging.

 

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“Doing what you must do, even if you don’t want to do it, is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

The opportunities you want, dear reader, will only come to you when you can show, by your actions – not just your words – that you are serious about what you want.

 

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An Attitude of Expectancy

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, always lives with an attitude of expectancy.

 

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What is this exactly?  It the belief, the conviction that something wonderful, new, and exciting is about to happen.

No matter where she goes or what she is engaged in, dear reader, she has this belief, and because she does, it tends to fulfill itself. (:

“You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place. If you really want your life to be passionate, you need to live with this attitude of expectancy.”

 

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An attitude of expectancy infuses you with a sense of possibility that gives you the positivity, optimism, and energy to pursue the life you and and the goals that inspire you.

A woman with such an attitude sees challenges as opportunities and she continuously asks “why not” when presented with a new idea or proposition instead of thinking of the multitude of reasons why it can’t be done.  What’s more, her eyes are opened to the possibilities of life, and because of that she is able to recognize opportunities and resources that most can’t.

 

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She lives a richer, more fulfilled life, and is able to add color to the lives of those she comes into contact with as well.  (:

How to Be a High Value Woman

There is one key feature of the high value woman, dear reader – one trait that instantly determines whether or not she is “high value” or “high status.”

 

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And that one trait is that she gives value to whomever she comes into contact with.

The low-value woman (or person) is immediately identifiable in by the reverse trait.  She takes from those she comes into contact with.  This is because this is all she is capable of – she hasn’t evolved, matured, and developed herself to the point of being capable of giving to others.

She is concerned and focused on what she is receiving in her relationships, rather than on what she is giving and how she is making another’s life and experience better.

The high-value woman understand the importance of contribution.  She contributes with her professional work, her family, her relationships, and her community.

 

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She looks for ways she can make things better, and because she is constantly looking, she finds them everywhere (:

She cares about and lives for more than just herself.  And this is where her high sense of self-worth and self-esteem come from also.  It is impossible, dear reader, to feel great about yourself unless you can feel that you are contributing in some way to people and causes that are outside of and larger than yourself.

 

“What I know is, that you have to take responsibility for the space you hold, here” – Oprah Winfrey

 

In personal relationships, the high value woman does not complain or gossip or behave in petty or immature ways because she understands that these behaviors are all draining and take value from whoever she is interacting with.

 

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When she has been hurt or is tired and stressed, she does not falsely pretend that she doesn’t feel those emotions, but she is also mature enough not to act out on them destructively or to complain.

Instead, she adds value to those she comes into contact through through her humanity, her generosity, her concern, her femininity, her deep emotion, and her compassion.

Her smile and her tears have the power to move the world because she is that influential and high value.  (:

 

 

How to Become More Confident

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, is first and foremost confident in who she is, what she can do for the world, what she believes in, and what she is willing to stand (or not stand) for.

 

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However, confidence is not something she was born with.

She acquired that confidence over time, by taking risks and action, by putting herself in situations that were perhaps uncomfortable for her, at first.

Many pretend that they are confident when they don’t actually feel that way, because there is a stigma associated with being non~confident and insecure.

While it is true that it can be helpful to “fake” confidence at times when you don’t really feel it, to make true personal progress and be one of the rare, rare women who are able to come across as authentically confident in who she is, you must start by being honest with yourself and where you are at.

 

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There is no shame in admitting to yourself or to those you trust, in what areas you don’t feel confident, because once you do you can either work through those emotions or do something to change them.  As long as you avoid or pretend those areas don’t exist, you won’t be able to take any action, and taking action is what will dissolve any non~confidence or fear.

If, dear reader, you are afraid of public speaking, join a toastmasters group.  Volunteer to give presentations to key clients at work.  Do anything and everything you can to put yourself in that type of situation until you become comfortable, and therefore confident in it!

Confidence begins with one such small act of courage.  You don’t need to give a speech addressing the U.S. Senate to begin with to start building confidence, for example.  Too many women are halted and kept in states of inaction and non~progress because they can’t see or are unwilling to take the micro-actions that will eventually build them up to the larger arenas they truly wish to be at.

 

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“Start where you are.  Use what you have.  Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe

Living from the Inside, Out

Many women, dear reader, will react to a problem in their life by attempting to directly change the external factors that are involved.

 

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For example, if a child, friend, lover, or coworker isn’t behaving the way she desires them to, she reacts by either ordering the person involved to change or by complaining and arguing about the undesired behavior.

While simply suppressing one’s feelings and saying or doing nothing doesn’t work, neither does this.

And the reason it doesn’t work is because such a reaction comes out of not understanding that your world is simply a reflection of who you are, and that the only thing you can control  directly is yourself, never the world outside of you.

It’s as though you are looking at the events of life through a mirror, and when you don’t like what you see, you attempt to change what is in the reflection, rather than the source, which will in turn change the reflection.

 

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This is all a bit abstract, but try it for yourself – the next time there is something in your world you aren’t happy with, stop and figure out what is inside of you that is causing that to show up, and once you identify it, you’ll have the power to change both it and the reflection in your world.

There is a common parable that captures this phenomenon well:

A man who was traveling came upon a farmer working in his field and asked him what the people in the next village were like. The farmer asked “What were the people like in the last village you visited?” The man responded “They were kind, friendly, generous, great people.” “You’ll find the people in the next village are the same,” said the farmer.
Another man who was traveling to the same village came up to the same farmer somewhat later and asked him what the people in the next village were like. Again the farmer asked “What were the people like in the last village you visited?” The second man responded, “They were rude, unfriendly, dishonest people.” “You’ll find the people in the next village are the same,” said the farmer.

Best of luck, dear reader! (:

 

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How to Make Mistakes

Why should you learn how to make mistakes, dear reader?

Because there is absolutely no avoiding them in life.  You will, without a doubt make many of them, no matter how successful you become.  Trying to dodge them is a waste of your time and energy – it is better to simply learn how to handle them gracefully.

 

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey

 

Making mistakes or not making them isn’t the point, however.  It really doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that you understand how to use them, how to not get stuck on them, and how to respond to them in the best way possible.

 

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First of all, realize that absolutely everyone makes mistakes and if someone is judging you harshly for being imperfect that is more about them than it is about you.  It’s important to admit our mistakes without getting defensive, and sincerely apologize to people for the consequences of them if necessary, but beyond that excessive blame and dwelling is not helpful.

In a turning point of the movie The Shawshank Redemption, one prisoner, Red comes to this point where he is able to admit his mistakes and find the inner strength to realize that while yes, he made those mistakes, he will never be able to go back and change the past:

 

RED
I know what you think it means. Me,
I think it’s a made-up word, a poli-
tician’s word. A word so young fellas
like you can wear a suit and tie and
have a job. What do you really want
to know? Am I sorry for what I did?

– —–

MAN
Well…are you?

RED
Not a day goes by I don’t feel
regret, and not because I’m in here
or because you think I should. I
look back on myself the way I
was…stupid kid who did that
terrible crime…wish I could talk
sense to him. Tell him how things
are. But I can’t. That kid’s long
gone, this old man is all that’s
left, and I have to live with that.
(beat)
Rehabilitated? That’s a bullshit
word, so you just go on ahead and
stamp that form there, sonny, and
stop wasting my damn time. Truth
is, I don’t give a shit.

 

Of course, your mistakes are probably not that extreme, but the point remains.  A lot of times, the mistakes people can’t move on from are the mistakes they knew were mistakes when they made them.  It doesn’t matter.  You regain your independence from the mistake when you stop trying to hide from it, when you stop denying it.  Plainly admitting it and really understanding that there is nothing to feel self-conscious or lesser about once you do that is what sets you free.

 

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Second, it’s important to not use your mistakes as an excuse to why you can’t accomplish what you want and be who you want in life.  And no matter what sort of mistake you may have made, it is exactly that – an excuse.

You need to switch your frame of mind to understand that mistakes are normal.

They are normal because you do not know everything, and you never will know everything.  Sometimes people are wrongly influenced by those around them and become blind to the fact that the direction they are going isn’t a good one.  As long as there is something you don’t yet understand, there’s a good chance that you will try and experiment and sometimes choose incorrectly.  The key is to be honest with yourself and admit when it is you’ve done so, so that you aren’t stuck in the same pattern indefinitely.

 

 

 

 

Serving vs. Being Servile

There is nothing wrong, dear reader, with being of service to others.  In fact, you will not succeed in life if that isn’t your mentality, or you don’t know how to serve.

However, there is an equally fatal counter to that and that is being servile.

In colloquial terms, that is what we mean when we say someone is a “doormat” or a “pushover.”

Oftentimes, these two concepts will get confused and many well-intentioned women who are trying to be of service will end up being disrespected, looked down upon, and even used because they end up being servile instead.

“It’s easy to think that people will like you more if you do whatever they tell you to do, but it’s quite the opposite. People don’t appreciate pushovers – they use them.”

 

To be of service means that you have matured to the point where you understand that it is not all about you; this is what is meant by that phrase “the world doesn’t revolve around you.”  It means that you get that other people come from different perspectives and viewpoints, and that what is most important to you personally is going to be different from what matters to someone else.

 

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For example, if you were planning on going out together, but your significant other has an important meeting or exam the following day, you are mature enough to respect that and not take it personally.

It also means that you use your talents, gifts, and abilities to lift others up.  In your career, that may mean you serve your clients by providing the most timely and quality service that you are capable of.  It may mean that you make sure things run smoothly in your office and that those with whom you work can say that you make their jobs that much easier.

Being servile on the other hand, will get you no appreciation or respect, and it will only drain your own energy and feelings of self-worth.  This is a quick indication for yourself – if you feel good about the contributions you are making, you are in the realm of service; if you feel resentment, you are in the realm of servitude.  

 

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An example of what servitude may look like:

You have told your significant other many times that you’d like help around the house; on a day when you are particularly tired from other commitments, you continue to contribute more than your “fair share” and don’t ask for what you need.

You have previous family or other obligations to meet, but you agree to put those on a lower priority when your boss asks you to stay late.

 

There is a remarkable difference. Service is next to godliness. Service requires respect, attention, devotion. Servers give aid or assistance, cooperatively, to someone in need, such as a guest. Those in service are subordinate only in the sense that servers watch over and preserve the activities that need to be directed by careful attention.

Servitude is completely at the other end of the spectrum, when the ego is under the thralldom of another against the will. Servitude is more akin to slavery or bondage. This distinction between service and servitude is elemental to the essence of hospitality and understanding the difference is key to successful service delivery.