Tag Archive | beauty

Seeing Things As They Are

One trait that will truly advance you in life, dear reader, is the ability to see things as they really are instead of how you may wish them to be or assume them to be.

 

michelle-obama-portrait-art-streiber-variety:

 

Such objectivity requires maturity and even courage in many situations, and is harder to practice than it is to understand.

“One may know how to conquer without being able to do it.” – Sun Tzu

Facing the truth of a situation is the first step towards any kind of progress or change.  And it is often difficult, even scary.  It means shattering a bit of your own ego, and while it will benefit you in the long-run, the immediate effect can be intense pain.  To admit to yourself something true that you don’t like hurts.  It also means that you’re no longer giving yourself the option to tolerate it – admitting the truth to yourself often forces you into change, change that you may not feel ready for; to let go of the false illusion you’ve been holding on to will create a sense of loss that you must mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and materially deal with.

 

Something I definitely always do to calm me during moments of shyness:

 

“The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.” – Confucius

For example, admitting to yourself that your relationship is rocky and has more downs than ups will create pain, especially if you have been pretending things are perfect and rationalizing it to yourself for a long time.  What’s more, when you truly look at the situation for what it is, you will realize that you are losing something that you never fully had in reality, but only thought you did.  It is actually a gain, but it won’t feel like it at the time.

As long as you pretend and lie to yourself, the more you rob yourself of the chance for real progress and greater happiness.

 

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“The wise men of antiquity, when they wished to make the whole world peaceful and happy, first put their own States into proper order.  Before putting their States into proper order, they regulated their own families.  Before regulating their families, they regulated themselves.  Before regulating themselves, they tried to be sincere in their thoughts.  Before being sincere in their thoughts, they tried to see things exactly as they really were.” – Confucius

You must have the courage, dear reader, to face the truth and the confidence that you will be able to handle the consequences.  If you can’t handle the truth, you won’t be able to handle anything.

Fight Battles You Can Win

A big mistake, dear reader, that many women (and men, for that matter) make in their lives, is that they waste copious amounts of time and energy in fighting battles that they can’t win, either because they haven’t really prepared themselves properly to win, or because what they are in is simply a no-win situation.

Sharon Stone photographed by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair US March 2007:

“He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.” – Sun Tzu

“Thus it is in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.” – Sun Tzu

“Move not unless you see an advantage; use not your troops unless there is something to be gained; fight not unless the position is critical.” – Sun Tzu

This is what is meant when it is said to go after realistic goals.  It doesn’t mean to dull down your ultimate vision and to settle, but in order to get to that ultimate finish line you can’t waste too much time in situations where you are guaranteed not to win.

One example is when people tend to over-reach and put themselves in positions for which they are unprepared, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  They simply are not ready.  They haven’t done the work, they haven’t trained.  It would be like Roger Bannister expecting he could break the 4 minute mile barrier simply sitting on his couch without countless hours on the track and in the gym and rehearsing the act over and over again in his mind.  It is of course absurd yet countless women (and men) engage in this sort of thinking all the time.

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“Average people seem to have a strategy of ‘Ready, fire, aim!’  In other words, most people fail to do the necessary preparation and planning it takes to succeed.  Middle-class performers have a fondness for winging it.  Amateur performers are always looking for the easy road, yet appear to be confounded by their lack of success.”

Another way people tend to put themselves in a no-win situation is out of fear – they simply use the situation as an excuse as to why they didn’t go after what they wanted or couldn’t face something difficult – they deplete their energy and capability in distraction.

“For some of us, fighting losing battles is a form of distraction or compulsion, like OCD or an irrational need to check your email and Twitter account every 30 seconds.  Others simply don’t know any better.”

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – It’s All Small Stuff”

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, has perspective in life.  She has matured to the point at which she no longer sweats the “small stuff” and she doesn’t get too worked up over things.

“If I make a fool of myself, who cares?  I’m not frightened by anyone’s perception of me.” – Angelina Jolie

She understands that nothing is really as big of a deal as it seems to be.  Sure, she celebrates her successes and still feels the pain of loss when things don’t go her way, but she doesn’t magnify those things to the point where they stop her from progressing and cloud her vision.

 

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“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same … Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a [Woman], my [dear]!”

To be really successful in life, dear reader, a woman must have the emotional fortitude and maturity to handle both adversity and success without vacillating too much emotionally.   Again, this doesn’t mean that she’s not capable of feeling both intense happiness and intense sorrow – after all, these deep emotions are what make her human, and a woman – but she doesn’t allow them to control her.  She is able to separate from them without dissociating.

Realizing that no matter what happens, that it simply isn’t as big of a deal as you are making it out to be in your mind will set you free.  It will take away the self-created pressure that makes it hard for you to take any constructive action.

 

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“Amateur performers often crack under pressure because they lose their perspective.  Their fear of losing overwhelms them to the point of physical, emotional, and spiritual breakdown.  The champion knows that the secret to performing well under pressure has more to do with their perception of the event than the event itself.  While an amateur is telling himself that he must win, the pro is reminding herself that it’s only a game.  Both performers want to win, but the pro always outperforms the amateur under pressure because she has learned how to calm her nerves by putting things into perspective.  Some people claim that champions perform better than any other group under pressure.  This is not true.  There is an inverse relationship between pressure and performance, no matter who you are or what you do.  As pressure increases, performance decreases.  This occurs whether you’re Donald Trump or Donald Duck.  The reason champions get better results is because they have trained themselves how to perceive the so-called pressure situation.  The amateur perceives it as a threat, which triggers a fight or flight response from the mind and body.  Physiologically speaking, the performer believes he is literally fighting for his life.  Meanwhile, the pro has convinced herself that this situation is just a game, and nobody dies from losing a game.”

 

 

The Art of Transparent, Effective, Communication

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, has mastered the art of communication.  She doesn’t internalize and repress her feelings nor does she act out aggressively and angrily.

 

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The key to great communication is that you mustn’t be afraid to speak your truth, and to do it right away.  There is nothing to be ashamed about if someone does something hurtful to you.  Many women are afraid to speak up because they take such treatment personally and allow it to eat away at their self-confidence when more often than not it has absolutely nothing to do with them.  Sometimes, someone will treat you poorly because they truly and simply don’t care about how you feel, but most of the time the other person doesn’t even realize that what they were doing was hurtful and assumes that you aren’t bothered in the slightest!  Again, they magnify the meaning of the event and the consequences and this makes them too frozen and uncomfortable to act.  Either way, remaining silent sends the wrong message.

Because they attach so much significance to it, many women find themselves tongue-tied.  So then they never communicate that they were hurt, disappointed, angry, etc – or if they do, they won’t be able to do it in a mature and assertive way that the other person will actually pay attention to – and they end up being ignored and virtually guarantee that the offensive behavior will become a pattern.

 

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A crucial mistake many women make is that they wait far, far too long for the pattern to manifest before speaking up.  Small issues snowball into crucial battles of will.

“The first piece of advice I would have from my experience is that governments need to be vocal about human rights.  My advice to you is not only to be vocal and consistent, but also to be principled in communications about human rights.  Another suggestion I have is to be quick.”  – Amal Clooney

One of the reasons why Amal is able to maintain such a strong relationship with a man like George Clooney where so many other women have failed is undoubtedly because she fully understands this principle on an intuitive, not just intellectual, level and has the courage to put it into practice.  Most men, even those at George Clooney’s level, are used to women communicating and behaving in ways that they term to be “annoying,” “passive-aggressive,” or “nagging”, and this really does have the effect of pushing them away in a relationship.  Men don’t want a shy little girl who is a pushover and can’t speak up for herself, but they don’t want a “bitch” who rages at them either.  Open, clear, and authentic communication that shows a woman knows what she wants and will stand up for it is what will get her results.

 

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Another important point, as she says here, in politics, as well as in human relations it is also important to be consistent.

It’s going to be hard to get yourself taken seriously if you are constantly vacillating on what is and what is not okay.  Credibility is built by “sticking to your guns” and being honest and authentic about the way something makes you feel.  This doesn’t mean that you are never allowed to change your mind about key issues, but you must appear and be firm.

 

 

Take Yourself Seriously

Often, dear reader, we hear that we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously.  However, in order to be successful, a feminine woman of excellence must take herself and her goals seriously.

 

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It is only when she does this that she can achieve the results she wants.

In times where it feels like no one will listen to you, and you are unable to achieve what it is you desire, this is the cause – you yourself aren’t taking what you want seriously enough.  When you do, and you start to show that you really mean business, people will listen and the world will move to deliver.

Too many women get stuck in cycles of inaction and frustration, or simply settle and accept what they’ve been given in their relationships, careers, and lives in general because they aren’t serious enough about themselves and what they want.

 

If I saw this elegant woman striding toward me I wonder if I would have enough courage to speak to her.:

 

“I had been in a negative mindset, but my disciplined side took over, and without any expectations on my part, things took a decidedly better turn just because I showed up.”

That is how you will need to start, dear reader, if you want to move towards a goal or better your relationships and your life.  At first, taking the actions you need to take is not going to feel good.  It will feel discouraging.

 

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“Doing what you must do, even if you don’t want to do it, is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

The opportunities you want, dear reader, will only come to you when you can show, by your actions – not just your words – that you are serious about what you want.

 

An Attitude of Expectancy

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, always lives with an attitude of expectancy.

 

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What is this exactly?  It the belief, the conviction that something wonderful, new, and exciting is about to happen.

No matter where she goes or what she is engaged in, dear reader, she has this belief, and because she does, it tends to fulfill itself. (:

“You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place. If you really want your life to be passionate, you need to live with this attitude of expectancy.”

 

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An attitude of expectancy infuses you with a sense of possibility that gives you the positivity, optimism, and energy to pursue the life you and and the goals that inspire you.

A woman with such an attitude sees challenges as opportunities and she continuously asks “why not” when presented with a new idea or proposition instead of thinking of the multitude of reasons why it can’t be done.  What’s more, her eyes are opened to the possibilities of life, and because of that she is able to recognize opportunities and resources that most can’t.

 

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She lives a richer, more fulfilled life, and is able to add color to the lives of those she comes into contact with as well.  (:

How to Be a High Value Woman

There is one key feature of the high value woman, dear reader – one trait that instantly determines whether or not she is “high value” or “high status.”

 

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And that one trait is that she gives value to whomever she comes into contact with.

The low-value woman (or person) is immediately identifiable in by the reverse trait.  She takes from those she comes into contact with.  This is because this is all she is capable of – she hasn’t evolved, matured, and developed herself to the point of being capable of giving to others.

She is concerned and focused on what she is receiving in her relationships, rather than on what she is giving and how she is making another’s life and experience better.

The high-value woman understand the importance of contribution.  She contributes with her professional work, her family, her relationships, and her community.

 

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She looks for ways she can make things better, and because she is constantly looking, she finds them everywhere (:

She cares about and lives for more than just herself.  And this is where her high sense of self-worth and self-esteem come from also.  It is impossible, dear reader, to feel great about yourself unless you can feel that you are contributing in some way to people and causes that are outside of and larger than yourself.

 

“What I know is, that you have to take responsibility for the space you hold, here” – Oprah Winfrey

 

In personal relationships, the high value woman does not complain or gossip or behave in petty or immature ways because she understands that these behaviors are all draining and take value from whoever she is interacting with.

 

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When she has been hurt or is tired and stressed, she does not falsely pretend that she doesn’t feel those emotions, but she is also mature enough not to act out on them destructively or to complain.

Instead, she adds value to those she comes into contact through through her humanity, her generosity, her concern, her femininity, her deep emotion, and her compassion.

Her smile and her tears have the power to move the world because she is that influential and high value.  (: