The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, has mastered the art of communication. She doesn’t internalize and repress her feelings nor does she act out aggressively and angrily.
The key to great communication is that you mustn’t be afraid to speak your truth, and to do it right away. There is nothing to be ashamed about if someone does something hurtful to you. Many women are afraid to speak up because they take such treatment personally and allow it to eat away at their self-confidence when more often than not it has absolutely nothing to do with them. Sometimes, someone will treat you poorly because they truly and simply don’t care about how you feel, but most of the time the other person doesn’t even realize that what they were doing was hurtful and assumes that you aren’t bothered in the slightest! Again, they magnify the meaning of the event and the consequences and this makes them too frozen and uncomfortable to act. Either way, remaining silent sends the wrong message.
Because they attach so much significance to it, many women find themselves tongue-tied. So then they never communicate that they were hurt, disappointed, angry, etc – or if they do, they won’t be able to do it in a mature and assertive way that the other person will actually pay attention to – and they end up being ignored and virtually guarantee that the offensive behavior will become a pattern.
A crucial mistake many women make is that they wait far, far too long for the pattern to manifest before speaking up. Small issues snowball into crucial battles of will.
“The first piece of advice I would have from my experience is that governments need to be vocal about human rights. My advice to you is not only to be vocal and consistent, but also to be principled in communications about human rights. Another suggestion I have is to be quick.” – Amal Clooney
One of the reasons why Amal is able to maintain such a strong relationship with a man like George Clooney where so many other women have failed is undoubtedly because she fully understands this principle on an intuitive, not just intellectual, level and has the courage to put it into practice. Most men, even those at George Clooney’s level, are used to women communicating and behaving in ways that they term to be “annoying,” “passive-aggressive,” or “nagging”, and this really does have the effect of pushing them away in a relationship. Men don’t want a shy little girl who is a pushover and can’t speak up for herself, but they don’t want a “bitch” who rages at them either. Open, clear, and authentic communication that shows a woman knows what she wants and will stand up for it is what will get her results.
Another important point, as she says here, in politics, as well as in human relations it is also important to be consistent.
It’s going to be hard to get yourself taken seriously if you are constantly vacillating on what is and what is not okay. Credibility is built by “sticking to your guns” and being honest and authentic about the way something makes you feel. This doesn’t mean that you are never allowed to change your mind about key issues, but you must appear and be firm.