Tag Archive | etiquette

Feminine Insight

You may have heard of the term feminine intuition, but the feminine woman of excellence has feminine insight as well dear reader.




Insight is defined as the understanding of a specific cause and effect, in context or the apprehending of the true nature of a thing, especially through intuitive understanding.

Feminine insight is the gift or ability that a feminine woman of excellence has in identify a situation for what it is (or Seeing Things As They Are) and responding appropriately.  The feminine woman is also insightful, meaning that she is perceptive.  She reflects often and understands the interconnectedness of all of life.


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The advantage of having insight is that the feminine woman of excellence spots patterns more quickly and instantly read any situation, be it an interpersonal conflict, a relationship issue, or even a workplace problem she’s been tasked to solve.

“People in a better mood are more likely to solve problems by insight.”

“Research has shown sleep to help produce insight.”


She takes care of herself and her body first and foremost, with right diet, nutrition, exercise, and sleep.


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This can sometimes be easier said than done, however.  Proper self-care truly requires management of all aspects of one’s life and will be covered separately. (:


Fight Battles You Can Win

A big mistake, dear reader, that many women (and men, for that matter) make in their lives, is that they waste copious amounts of time and energy in fighting battles that they can’t win, either because they haven’t really prepared themselves properly to win, or because what they are in is simply a no-win situation.

Sharon Stone photographed by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair US March 2007:

“He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.” – Sun Tzu

“Thus it is in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.” – Sun Tzu

“Move not unless you see an advantage; use not your troops unless there is something to be gained; fight not unless the position is critical.” – Sun Tzu

This is what is meant when it is said to go after realistic goals.  It doesn’t mean to dull down your ultimate vision and to settle, but in order to get to that ultimate finish line you can’t waste too much time in situations where you are guaranteed not to win.

One example is when people tend to over-reach and put themselves in positions for which they are unprepared, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  They simply are not ready.  They haven’t done the work, they haven’t trained.  It would be like Roger Bannister expecting he could break the 4 minute mile barrier simply sitting on his couch without countless hours on the track and in the gym and rehearsing the act over and over again in his mind.  It is of course absurd yet countless women (and men) engage in this sort of thinking all the time.

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“Average people seem to have a strategy of ‘Ready, fire, aim!’  In other words, most people fail to do the necessary preparation and planning it takes to succeed.  Middle-class performers have a fondness for winging it.  Amateur performers are always looking for the easy road, yet appear to be confounded by their lack of success.”

Another way people tend to put themselves in a no-win situation is out of fear – they simply use the situation as an excuse as to why they didn’t go after what they wanted or couldn’t face something difficult – they deplete their energy and capability in distraction.

“For some of us, fighting losing battles is a form of distraction or compulsion, like OCD or an irrational need to check your email and Twitter account every 30 seconds.  Others simply don’t know any better.”

How to Be a High Value Woman

There is one key feature of the high value woman, dear reader – one trait that instantly determines whether or not she is “high value” or “high status.”


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And that one trait is that she gives value to whomever she comes into contact with.

The low-value woman (or person) is immediately identifiable in by the reverse trait.  She takes from those she comes into contact with.  This is because this is all she is capable of – she hasn’t evolved, matured, and developed herself to the point of being capable of giving to others.

She is concerned and focused on what she is receiving in her relationships, rather than on what she is giving and how she is making another’s life and experience better.

The high-value woman understand the importance of contribution.  She contributes with her professional work, her family, her relationships, and her community.


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She looks for ways she can make things better, and because she is constantly looking, she finds them everywhere (:

She cares about and lives for more than just herself.  And this is where her high sense of self-worth and self-esteem come from also.  It is impossible, dear reader, to feel great about yourself unless you can feel that you are contributing in some way to people and causes that are outside of and larger than yourself.


“What I know is, that you have to take responsibility for the space you hold, here” – Oprah Winfrey


In personal relationships, the high value woman does not complain or gossip or behave in petty or immature ways because she understands that these behaviors are all draining and take value from whoever she is interacting with.


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When she has been hurt or is tired and stressed, she does not falsely pretend that she doesn’t feel those emotions, but she is also mature enough not to act out on them destructively or to complain.

Instead, she adds value to those she comes into contact through through her humanity, her generosity, her concern, her femininity, her deep emotion, and her compassion.

Her smile and her tears have the power to move the world because she is that influential and high value.  (:



How to Build a Network, and Why You Need One

The intelligent woman of excellence, dear reader, builds a network.   As a child you were probably taught that you needed to make friends, but that’s not necessarily true; even more important to your health and wellbeing is your ability to be smart and build a network.

To clarify before going in depth as to how to develop a network, first it is important to understand what a network is and is not.  A network is not the people you would simply consider friends to hang out with casually, go for drinks, or share stories with, though these people might be part of your network.  In other words, it is possible for someone to be a part of your network and also simply a friend, but not everyone in your network is necessarily someone you would call a “friend” in the traditional sense and not every friend makes a valuable connection that you would want in your network.


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A network is also not the group of people you are connected with on LinkedIn, Facebook, or another other platform, though the same applies – they may exist in those places.

network is a compilation of contacts that you have collected over time.  Many people approach networking with the mentality that you simply reach out to potential employers or potential clients.  However, this is far too limited.

The contacts in your network should also include people that may play a part in your life somewhere down the line as employees, investors, advisors, mentors, other networkers or extremely well connected people who can connect you to others.


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Everything of worth that has ever been accomplished, dear reader, has been done so through the help and support of many other people.  There is no such thing as a “self made man” or a lone success story.  The wonderful and progressive accomplishments in life will not happen without a well-developed network.

This is something that has been too misunderstood and mistakenly interpreted in a number of other ways including “social climbing.”  Social climbing, for instance, implies that you are seeking out contacts to advance only yourself and that you aren’t really concerned with any larger goals beyond yourself.


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That’s not what true networking, good networking looks like.  Generally, those intentions come across fairly obviously and tend to block any meaningful connections anyhow.  Good networking is done out of the spirit of authenticity – your purpose is greater than yourself; you want to accomplish some larger goal or dream for the good of humanity, and you know there are others out there that will be willing to support that same goal or dream.  It may be something you have in mind now, or it could be something you develop in the future.  It could be anything from the simple desire to have a particular sort of job so that you can develop your own self and contribute value to a company and the economy, or it could be that you’d like to solve a larger problem for society, perhaps a social issue, or a technological problem, and would like to start a company to do so.

Networking is by far one of the best investments you can make as a feminine woman of excellence; in most cases it is completely free, and it can be a great way to meet and make friends with the high-quality people who care about society and are pushing themselves to grow as well, even if nothing ever comes to fruition with them in a purely business sense.  Moreover, you yourself will become a more interesting, engaged, and well-informed person if you do this.


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Now to transition into how to network.  This is also important because many people get it wrong.  Perhaps the one most important thing to understand is that networking is about you learning from others that you meet.  It is an opportunity to find out what they do, what sort of business they are in, what motivates them, what key issues they are facing, and any number of other topics.  The key is to step back and listen, and to get them talking.  Be curious and genuinely interested!

Of course, when asked about your goals, aspirations, and current projects you should be confident and be able to clearly state what defines you, but one of the worst ways to shoot yourself in the foot while networking is to walk into a room full of people and leave with a sore jaw, yet no additional knowledge or real information about the people you’ve met.  You must make a meaningful connection.  Think of it a bit as you would dating, however here the end goal is not to meet a future spouse but people to do business with and friends.

Some great places to start are your local chamber of commerce, local seminars, conferences, or community and business events.  Many events are listed under Eventbrite, as well as your city’s major newspapers and business publications.

Happy networking! (:




How to Conduct Yourself with Class and Dignity During a Break-up

The death of a relationship, dear reader, is a trying time emotionally.

You are at your most fragile, feeling vulnerable, and perhaps even unloved or unlovable.  These feelings are all temporary, but in the moment that’s not how they feel – they can feel overwhelming and as if they’ll never go away.

Believe it or not, when emotions run that intensely, and your external world seems to be most in chaos is the exact moment when you need to get the most still and slow down internally.  You need to detach yourself from what is happening, in order to get perspective.


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That does not mean that you deny your emotions or dissociate from them – you are a human being, of course you are going to experience the trying emotions that go along with any kind of loss.

To detach in a health manner means to separate yourself from those emotions.  To become aware of what you are feeling and experiencing, but know that you, who you are is not any of those things.

Have you ever heard the saying that it is often easier to see an issue or a situation in a friend than it is in yourself?

This is because we often have a hard time distancing ourselves from our emotions and our situations enough that we can get the perspective we need.  To achieve this mental flexibility requires a certain frame of mind.


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Why is this important to put in the effort and energy to get still and try to see our own selves from a 3000 foot view when all we want to do is act out, release those emotions, and “vent”?

Because doing any of those things will simply make your situation worse.  Guaranteed.  “Blowing up” someone’s phone (or the more adult versions of this behavior) after a breakup will not bring them back to you.  It will not make them love and respect you more, and more importantly it will make it harder for you to love and respect yourself and feel good about the actions you are taking.

You must respond instead of reacting knowing that the long-term reward for doing so is going to make you feel a whole lot better and ultimately get you what you want.  Doing this requires a discipline as well – you need to give up that short-term release of emotion you get by lashing out or doing anything that shows a less than 100% acceptance of the way things are.




You do not argue, you do not plead, and you certainly do not beg.  You accept the situation briefly and professionally – this is hugely important – you are no longer personally or emotionally invested (you will of course still feel invested on that level, but you will not act that way).  You are a woman with grace, class, and dignity!  You take ownership of your emotions and you are able to act in this mature and impressive way because you know that the correct response in these sorts of situations is to simply make a commitment to yourself to do better.  As the saying goes, you do not get bitter, you get better.

Think back to a boyfriend you had in grammar or high-school – you can look back on the experience without any pain even though at the time it probably felt like your world was coming to an end.  This is because you have distance, perspective and because you are no longer the person you were at that time – you have matured and expanded your world-view.  It seems like a brief event hardly worthy of thought.  The exact same thing will happen here, if you make the commitment to act in this way.

“Whenever I feel bad, I use that feeling to motivate me to work harder.  I only allow myself one day to feel sorry for myself.” – Beyonce

If you act in this way, it is guaranteed that you will be seen in a new light and your ex will want you back.  However, that is not the point.  You do not do any of this because you are desperate to be taken back – you do it because you can see past this critical moment and into the future where you do better.  And that better version of you makes whatever has happened seem petty, irrelevant, and like simply a footnote or a stepping stone in the larger story of your life.  That better version of yourself, and the joy and fulfillment you will feel in doing what it takes to become her is the real reward.


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How to Make Friends

The more social a woman is, dear reader, the more successful she is.


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This is because, dear reader, we need the support of others in order to achieve whatever it is we wish for and hope for – it truly is impossible to accomplish anything worthwhile solely on one’s own.

In business, being social is called “networking”; in other areas of life it is simply a matter of being able to make meaningful connections easily, and finding enjoyment in  doing so.

Networking has a connotation and reputation as being something that is forced, but in truth the process of making connections with others should really be fun and enjoyable, not a stressful or pressured event.

Women who are “networkers” or who seem to know everyone and be known by everyone tend to be able to organize and orchestrate their plans and hopes easily – they know exactly who they must contact and which people they need to get together to get something done.


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But the women who are skilled connectors, dear reader, likely do not set out with any certain agenda.  They simply enjoy getting to know new people, and get energy from bringing different people within their own networks together.

There has been much buzz about the benefits of being introverted (i.e. making fewer but deeper connections, etc.), but it is the extroverted and outgoing women, dear reader, that know about exciting opportunities before they happen, get invited to interesting events and parties, and become exposed to more unique and current ideas and interesting people.
The woman who shrinks away from socializing out of a habitual shyness most certainly misses out on these opportunities.

It is well documented that a large majority of job offers, business deals, social arrangements, and the like are accomplished via a personal connection through one’s network; the more opportunity a woman would like, the more she should put effort into building one.


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Successful socializing first and foremost requires that a woman forgets about herself for the moment.  People who are self-conscious and overly concerned about how others will perceive them will not get the most out of a networking experiences simply because they are focused on the wrong person.  The point of socializing is to hear others and to listen to what they have to say with genuine interest.

A good networker, and friendship-builder, dear reader, is a woman who is a good listener.

Many women think that perhaps they are not interesting enough, not accomplished enough, successful enough, or dazzlingly beautiful enough to be the life of the party.  But this is not the case – they simply must be interested enough.

That is it.

People are quite simple dear reader – they are most interested in themselves, their ideas, and their own projects and feel instantly connected to any woman who will listen to their words with genuine interest.


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For this to happen, you must be engaged in the conversation.  This means asking questions at appropriate times, maintaining eye contact and focus (i.e. not displaying a darting gaze that makes it look like you are searching for an escape from the interaction) and best of all, smiling (not overdoing it of course).

This all comes very naturally, dear reader, when you are focused on whatever it is the person or people to whom you are talking are interested in discussing (most likely themselves, but occasionally it will be an idea or other interest).

A woman who is good at making connections, dear reader, first believes that others have something interesting to contribute, and she is willing to patiently discover that, before switching the subject over to herself and what she hopes and dreams for.


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If you don’t consider yourself naturally outgoing, but would like to become so, the only way to accomplish that is to go out and practice – happy socializing!  (:

How to Keep a Secret

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, knows how to keep a secret.


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Biologically, psychologically, and emotionally, however this can be challenging.  For most people, keeping a secret raises stress hormone levels, and this triggers a pretty strong desire to share what we know.  It’s a natural instinct to want to let another person what we know – this has an evolutionary purpose as well – letting another in on a secret could protect you if you need someone’s help in situation.

But there are other times, dear reader, when not keeping a secret is worse than keeping it – when someone could be harmed by revealing it.  It is, for example, not appropriate to share what was told to you in confidence from a friend that trusts you.  A good case study is when a friend tells you about her love life – sharing this information with the wrong people could hurt both her and whomever else might be involved and the personal nature of the information means that if it’s revealed in the wrong context, it will without a doubt cause damage.


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Generally, says von Reiche, “secrets do create a lot of separation from other people, and they also prevent you from feeling truly authentic.” But psychologists say there are also situations where it might be better to withhold information from people, even close friends, if the revelation of secrets would cause more pain to you and others. – CNN Health

Oftentimes, it’s highly likely that when you reveal all of yourself to someone, or in certain contexts, that will not turn out well:

It’s important for people to be comfortable and confident with all parts of themselves, McDonald says. But there are situations where revealing part of your identity would do more harm than good.  “It can be unhealthy to reveal certain parts of ourselves if there are people close to us that would be very unaccepting of it, because of the pain and the separation that that would cause to reveal that,” McDonald said.

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Keeping a secret, dear reader, assumes that you have the teller’s trust and confidence; he or she has faith in your self-control and relies on that to unburden themselves, while also not putting themselves at risk of a full reveal for the whole world to know.

Assuming that basic level of self-control is in place, there are a few guidelines to keeping such a secret.

The best way, dear reader, to keep a secret, is to pretend that you have no knowledge of it, that is complete ignorance.  The reason why this is the best method, is that it is very plausible and believable.  There was a point when you didn’t know whatever the secret is, and when you tell someone that you are ignorant, there really is not much that they can do past that point.  All pressure to tell what you know disappears – after all, you can’t possibly tell someone something you don’t even know yourself.  Most people simply drop the subject if this seems to be the case.  There’s far less likelihood that you’ll cave under pressure if there’s no pressure, dear reader (:

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“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.” – George Orwell

“The best way of keeping a secret is to pretend there isn’t one.” – Margaret Atwood

“We women talk too much, but even then we don’t tell half of what we know.”

The next best method is to transfer the emotions of the situation or generalize to tell a story that is also true, but not the secret.

At last resort, tell a white lie.  That is, come up with something else that could be the secret.  However, this is a last resort, because most people are only moderately skilled at this.  It is easy for most people to suspect when they have been either misinformed or at least haven’t been told the entire story, and if they suspect this is the case they will in all likelihood want to press for more information.

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