Tag Archive | health

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – It’s All Small Stuff”

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, has perspective in life.  She has matured to the point at which she no longer sweats the “small stuff” and she doesn’t get too worked up over things.

“If I make a fool of myself, who cares?  I’m not frightened by anyone’s perception of me.” – Angelina Jolie

She understands that nothing is really as big of a deal as it seems to be.  Sure, she celebrates her successes and still feels the pain of loss when things don’t go her way, but she doesn’t magnify those things to the point where they stop her from progressing and cloud her vision.

 

Flowers in her Hair ༻Pinteres @FaithBird ༺:

 

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same … Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a [Woman], my [dear]!”

To be really successful in life, dear reader, a woman must have the emotional fortitude and maturity to handle both adversity and success without vacillating too much emotionally.   Again, this doesn’t mean that she’s not capable of feeling both intense happiness and intense sorrow – after all, these deep emotions are what make her human, and a woman – but she doesn’t allow them to control her.  She is able to separate from them without dissociating.

Realizing that no matter what happens, that it simply isn’t as big of a deal as you are making it out to be in your mind will set you free.  It will take away the self-created pressure that makes it hard for you to take any constructive action.

 

♡Breakfast At Chanel♡:

 

“Amateur performers often crack under pressure because they lose their perspective.  Their fear of losing overwhelms them to the point of physical, emotional, and spiritual breakdown.  The champion knows that the secret to performing well under pressure has more to do with their perception of the event than the event itself.  While an amateur is telling himself that he must win, the pro is reminding herself that it’s only a game.  Both performers want to win, but the pro always outperforms the amateur under pressure because she has learned how to calm her nerves by putting things into perspective.  Some people claim that champions perform better than any other group under pressure.  This is not true.  There is an inverse relationship between pressure and performance, no matter who you are or what you do.  As pressure increases, performance decreases.  This occurs whether you’re Donald Trump or Donald Duck.  The reason champions get better results is because they have trained themselves how to perceive the so-called pressure situation.  The amateur perceives it as a threat, which triggers a fight or flight response from the mind and body.  Physiologically speaking, the performer believes he is literally fighting for his life.  Meanwhile, the pro has convinced herself that this situation is just a game, and nobody dies from losing a game.”

 

 

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Finding Your Way

A lot of women, dear reader, don’t really know who they are – instead of confidently going after what it is they want in life, they’re shrinking themselves and settling.

 

“Even the wisest woman you talk to is ignorant of something you may know, but an elegant woman never forgets her elegance.”:

 

They feel defeated and they settle for what they can get, instead of having the faith that they can do and be whatever they set their minds to be.  They are afraid to speak their minds and their truth – they are more worried about how they will come off and upsetting others’ feelings than they are in simply being okay with expressing themselves.

Because of this, true intimacy eludes them.  How can you bond with another, dear reader, if you never let them see or know your true self?  Your true self is what you love, what brings you joy, and it is your authentic feelings.  Many suppress this to the detriment of their health, emotions, well-being, and relationships because they don’t yet know how to express what they are through their words and through their actions with the attitude of take it or leave it.

 

Casadei  ....... These are awesome!!!! A closet must have.:

 

You can’t create or be who you are if you are trying to be someone else’s mouth-piece.  You need to find your own voice, dear reader.  You must stop thinking of whether what you are about to do or say is going to impress another or bring you the money, love, success, etc that you want, and simply speak from the heart and mind.

This is easier said than done.  Simply trying to “love yourself” doesn’t work – it’s like attempting to pursue happiness or a butterfly directly.

Ask yourself what do I think?  What do I feel about this?  Becoming who you are, dear reader, is largely about learning to make your own decisions.  Many people aren’t able to make even the smallest decisions.  It’s a chicken and egg scenario – they don’t know their values and who they are, so they don’t have much of a compass to guide them in decision-making, and they avoid making decisions, so they don’t have much practice in seeing what’s for them and what isn’t.

 

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Much of the process of becoming who you are is going down wrong avenues and failing.  The problem is that so many women are afraid of getting “lost” or making the wrong choices that they’re not able to get where they need to go.  We tend to magnify things and make them seem as though they are a much bigger deal than they truly are.  You need to give yourself the permission to fail occasionally, because on the course of becoming your true self and reaching your full potential it will happen a lot.  If you make your own decision and it’s wrong, at least it will be your own failure and you can learn from it.  As long as someone else made the choice for you, you won’t learn and you won’t move forwards.

Some things, like cocaine, don’t need to be sampled for you to know that they are harmful, dear reader.  But the only way to really know who you are and what you want in life is to take the chance that you might be wrong.  So what if that fashion internship doesn’t work out?  You aren’t farther away from success and discovering your true self, you are closer!  You’ve placed a certainty in an area that was previously an unknown.

 

ballerina, black & white photo, ballet:

 

The problem is that many have been trained to look at these sorts of explorations as “failures” and then take it personally and feel terrible about themselves when it doesn’t work out, creating an inability to move past that point, or tragically for many, never starting at all.

That same mindset makes dating and relationships for women a nightmare.  A divorced woman is looked upon as a loser.  A girl who just went through a breakup and ended a relationship that wasn’t right for her is pitied when in fact it should be the opposite!  What you need to do, dear reader, is applaud yourself at each step of the way, because the world won’t react when you simply get closer, it will react when you’ve achieved tangible results.

 

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Think of it this way – no one was supporting and cheering on Oprah before she became Oprah.  She didn’t know she was going to one day lead a national talk show and reach the heights of fame, but what she also didn’t do was let others define her or let her think of herself as someone who she wasn’t.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results for others’ people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Another aspect of this that can be difficult is that sometimes, your connection to your internal compass will have become weak and it won’t feel as clear as it does at other times.

 

Hear the whisper in the air As the water flows around Listen at the sound As it calms you down:

 

One way to know when you are about to make a wrong decision is if it feels like you are betraying yourself by doing so.  If you have to give up something of yourself up to make it, it will take you farther away.

The majority of people, dear reader, let the world and others mold them into who they become, because they choose to betray themselves and their own wants and needs rather than rejecting and refusing others.  It goes beyond simple people-pleasing.  It’s looked at as something wrong and selfish to act in your own best interests and make choices that others don’t like because it upsets their own comfort and balance in life.

“I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life.  I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world.  I run my world.” – Beyonce Knowles

“Your self-worth is determined by you.  You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.” – Beyonce Knowles

 

Carmen Dell'Orefice -(Born 1931) Such a stunning woman. Rolex ad.:

 

Yes, the choices you make will affect the people around you, but ultimately you must decide if you are going to become who you are and stay true to yourself or if you are going to remain limited and unsure of yourself because you let another who can never possibly know you as well as you know you make your decisions.  Doing what’s best for you is not going to harm or hurt others.  You need to understand and recognize that reaction from others for what it is so that you can dismiss it and move forwards.  It’s simply a groundless fear of change.

“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.  If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.  I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty every day and if you can source your own life from its presence.”

Some of the hardest choices you will ever make, dear reader, will be the ones in which you have to put yourself first in this way.  It will feel like you need to go backwards and do what is easier and more comfortable in the short-term.  When in search of encouragement for making those decisions, and for help in “bearing the accusation of betrayal” that you will undoubtedly come across, just remember that as hard as that decision is to make, the pain will be temporary – if you make the decision you know isn’t right, instead of a short blow that knocks you out, you’ll be stuck living chronically unfulfilled and unhappy.

 

zenvdaya:     Zendaya for Mane Addicts 2015   Loved by Mrs. Fabulous-Jones:

 

An Attitude of Expectancy

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, always lives with an attitude of expectancy.

 

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What is this exactly?  It the belief, the conviction that something wonderful, new, and exciting is about to happen.

No matter where she goes or what she is engaged in, dear reader, she has this belief, and because she does, it tends to fulfill itself. (:

“You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place. If you really want your life to be passionate, you need to live with this attitude of expectancy.”

 

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An attitude of expectancy infuses you with a sense of possibility that gives you the positivity, optimism, and energy to pursue the life you and and the goals that inspire you.

A woman with such an attitude sees challenges as opportunities and she continuously asks “why not” when presented with a new idea or proposition instead of thinking of the multitude of reasons why it can’t be done.  What’s more, her eyes are opened to the possibilities of life, and because of that she is able to recognize opportunities and resources that most can’t.

 

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She lives a richer, more fulfilled life, and is able to add color to the lives of those she comes into contact with as well.  (:

How to Become More Confident

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, is first and foremost confident in who she is, what she can do for the world, what she believes in, and what she is willing to stand (or not stand) for.

 

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However, confidence is not something she was born with.

She acquired that confidence over time, by taking risks and action, by putting herself in situations that were perhaps uncomfortable for her, at first.

Many pretend that they are confident when they don’t actually feel that way, because there is a stigma associated with being non~confident and insecure.

While it is true that it can be helpful to “fake” confidence at times when you don’t really feel it, to make true personal progress and be one of the rare, rare women who are able to come across as authentically confident in who she is, you must start by being honest with yourself and where you are at.

 

Churchill Downs Bound 1st Saturday in May:

 

There is no shame in admitting to yourself or to those you trust, in what areas you don’t feel confident, because once you do you can either work through those emotions or do something to change them.  As long as you avoid or pretend those areas don’t exist, you won’t be able to take any action, and taking action is what will dissolve any non~confidence or fear.

If, dear reader, you are afraid of public speaking, join a toastmasters group.  Volunteer to give presentations to key clients at work.  Do anything and everything you can to put yourself in that type of situation until you become comfortable, and therefore confident in it!

Confidence begins with one such small act of courage.  You don’t need to give a speech addressing the U.S. Senate to begin with to start building confidence, for example.  Too many women are halted and kept in states of inaction and non~progress because they can’t see or are unwilling to take the micro-actions that will eventually build them up to the larger arenas they truly wish to be at.

 

Regilla ⚜:

 

“Start where you are.  Use what you have.  Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe

Living from the Inside, Out

Many women, dear reader, will react to a problem in their life by attempting to directly change the external factors that are involved.

 

Long ago in Ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia women understood the importance of our feminine soul.:

 

For example, if a child, friend, lover, or coworker isn’t behaving the way she desires them to, she reacts by either ordering the person involved to change or by complaining and arguing about the undesired behavior.

While simply suppressing one’s feelings and saying or doing nothing doesn’t work, neither does this.

And the reason it doesn’t work is because such a reaction comes out of not understanding that your world is simply a reflection of who you are, and that the only thing you can control  directly is yourself, never the world outside of you.

It’s as though you are looking at the events of life through a mirror, and when you don’t like what you see, you attempt to change what is in the reflection, rather than the source, which will in turn change the reflection.

 

Blush and Bubblegum:

 

This is all a bit abstract, but try it for yourself – the next time there is something in your world you aren’t happy with, stop and figure out what is inside of you that is causing that to show up, and once you identify it, you’ll have the power to change both it and the reflection in your world.

There is a common parable that captures this phenomenon well:

A man who was traveling came upon a farmer working in his field and asked him what the people in the next village were like. The farmer asked “What were the people like in the last village you visited?” The man responded “They were kind, friendly, generous, great people.” “You’ll find the people in the next village are the same,” said the farmer.
Another man who was traveling to the same village came up to the same farmer somewhat later and asked him what the people in the next village were like. Again the farmer asked “What were the people like in the last village you visited?” The second man responded, “They were rude, unfriendly, dishonest people.” “You’ll find the people in the next village are the same,” said the farmer.

Best of luck, dear reader! (:

 

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How to Make Mistakes

Why should you learn how to make mistakes, dear reader?

Because there is absolutely no avoiding them in life.  You will, without a doubt make many of them, no matter how successful you become.  Trying to dodge them is a waste of your time and energy – it is better to simply learn how to handle them gracefully.

 

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey

 

Making mistakes or not making them isn’t the point, however.  It really doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that you understand how to use them, how to not get stuck on them, and how to respond to them in the best way possible.

 

Frances McLaughlin-Gill's vivid fashion image appeared in the April 1952 Glamour.:

 

First of all, realize that absolutely everyone makes mistakes and if someone is judging you harshly for being imperfect that is more about them than it is about you.  It’s important to admit our mistakes without getting defensive, and sincerely apologize to people for the consequences of them if necessary, but beyond that excessive blame and dwelling is not helpful.

In a turning point of the movie The Shawshank Redemption, one prisoner, Red comes to this point where he is able to admit his mistakes and find the inner strength to realize that while yes, he made those mistakes, he will never be able to go back and change the past:

 

RED
I know what you think it means. Me,
I think it’s a made-up word, a poli-
tician’s word. A word so young fellas
like you can wear a suit and tie and
have a job. What do you really want
to know? Am I sorry for what I did?

– —–

MAN
Well…are you?

RED
Not a day goes by I don’t feel
regret, and not because I’m in here
or because you think I should. I
look back on myself the way I
was…stupid kid who did that
terrible crime…wish I could talk
sense to him. Tell him how things
are. But I can’t. That kid’s long
gone, this old man is all that’s
left, and I have to live with that.
(beat)
Rehabilitated? That’s a bullshit
word, so you just go on ahead and
stamp that form there, sonny, and
stop wasting my damn time. Truth
is, I don’t give a shit.

 

Of course, your mistakes are probably not that extreme, but the point remains.  A lot of times, the mistakes people can’t move on from are the mistakes they knew were mistakes when they made them.  It doesn’t matter.  You regain your independence from the mistake when you stop trying to hide from it, when you stop denying it.  Plainly admitting it and really understanding that there is nothing to feel self-conscious or lesser about once you do that is what sets you free.

 

French bathroom.:

 

Second, it’s important to not use your mistakes as an excuse to why you can’t accomplish what you want and be who you want in life.  And no matter what sort of mistake you may have made, it is exactly that – an excuse.

You need to switch your frame of mind to understand that mistakes are normal.

They are normal because you do not know everything, and you never will know everything.  Sometimes people are wrongly influenced by those around them and become blind to the fact that the direction they are going isn’t a good one.  As long as there is something you don’t yet understand, there’s a good chance that you will try and experiment and sometimes choose incorrectly.  The key is to be honest with yourself and admit when it is you’ve done so, so that you aren’t stuck in the same pattern indefinitely.

 

 

 

 

Serving vs. Being Servile

There is nothing wrong, dear reader, with being of service to others.  In fact, you will not succeed in life if that isn’t your mentality, or you don’t know how to serve.

However, there is an equally fatal counter to that and that is being servile.

In colloquial terms, that is what we mean when we say someone is a “doormat” or a “pushover.”

Oftentimes, these two concepts will get confused and many well-intentioned women who are trying to be of service will end up being disrespected, looked down upon, and even used because they end up being servile instead.

“It’s easy to think that people will like you more if you do whatever they tell you to do, but it’s quite the opposite. People don’t appreciate pushovers – they use them.”

 

To be of service means that you have matured to the point where you understand that it is not all about you; this is what is meant by that phrase “the world doesn’t revolve around you.”  It means that you get that other people come from different perspectives and viewpoints, and that what is most important to you personally is going to be different from what matters to someone else.

 

lilac:

 

For example, if you were planning on going out together, but your significant other has an important meeting or exam the following day, you are mature enough to respect that and not take it personally.

It also means that you use your talents, gifts, and abilities to lift others up.  In your career, that may mean you serve your clients by providing the most timely and quality service that you are capable of.  It may mean that you make sure things run smoothly in your office and that those with whom you work can say that you make their jobs that much easier.

Being servile on the other hand, will get you no appreciation or respect, and it will only drain your own energy and feelings of self-worth.  This is a quick indication for yourself – if you feel good about the contributions you are making, you are in the realm of service; if you feel resentment, you are in the realm of servitude.  

 

I miss watching Gossip Girl for the outfits. I love everything about this picture. @Katie Hrubec Shippen:

 

An example of what servitude may look like:

You have told your significant other many times that you’d like help around the house; on a day when you are particularly tired from other commitments, you continue to contribute more than your “fair share” and don’t ask for what you need.

You have previous family or other obligations to meet, but you agree to put those on a lower priority when your boss asks you to stay late.

 

There is a remarkable difference. Service is next to godliness. Service requires respect, attention, devotion. Servers give aid or assistance, cooperatively, to someone in need, such as a guest. Those in service are subordinate only in the sense that servers watch over and preserve the activities that need to be directed by careful attention.

Servitude is completely at the other end of the spectrum, when the ego is under the thralldom of another against the will. Servitude is more akin to slavery or bondage. This distinction between service and servitude is elemental to the essence of hospitality and understanding the difference is key to successful service delivery.