Tag Archive | women’s health

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – It’s All Small Stuff”

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, has perspective in life.  She has matured to the point at which she no longer sweats the “small stuff” and she doesn’t get too worked up over things.

“If I make a fool of myself, who cares?  I’m not frightened by anyone’s perception of me.” – Angelina Jolie

She understands that nothing is really as big of a deal as it seems to be.  Sure, she celebrates her successes and still feels the pain of loss when things don’t go her way, but she doesn’t magnify those things to the point where they stop her from progressing and cloud her vision.

 

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“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same … Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a [Woman], my [dear]!”

To be really successful in life, dear reader, a woman must have the emotional fortitude and maturity to handle both adversity and success without vacillating too much emotionally.   Again, this doesn’t mean that she’s not capable of feeling both intense happiness and intense sorrow – after all, these deep emotions are what make her human, and a woman – but she doesn’t allow them to control her.  She is able to separate from them without dissociating.

Realizing that no matter what happens, that it simply isn’t as big of a deal as you are making it out to be in your mind will set you free.  It will take away the self-created pressure that makes it hard for you to take any constructive action.

 

♡Breakfast At Chanel♡:

 

“Amateur performers often crack under pressure because they lose their perspective.  Their fear of losing overwhelms them to the point of physical, emotional, and spiritual breakdown.  The champion knows that the secret to performing well under pressure has more to do with their perception of the event than the event itself.  While an amateur is telling himself that he must win, the pro is reminding herself that it’s only a game.  Both performers want to win, but the pro always outperforms the amateur under pressure because she has learned how to calm her nerves by putting things into perspective.  Some people claim that champions perform better than any other group under pressure.  This is not true.  There is an inverse relationship between pressure and performance, no matter who you are or what you do.  As pressure increases, performance decreases.  This occurs whether you’re Donald Trump or Donald Duck.  The reason champions get better results is because they have trained themselves how to perceive the so-called pressure situation.  The amateur perceives it as a threat, which triggers a fight or flight response from the mind and body.  Physiologically speaking, the performer believes he is literally fighting for his life.  Meanwhile, the pro has convinced herself that this situation is just a game, and nobody dies from losing a game.”

 

 

How to Become More Confident

The feminine woman of excellence, dear reader, is first and foremost confident in who she is, what she can do for the world, what she believes in, and what she is willing to stand (or not stand) for.

 

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However, confidence is not something she was born with.

She acquired that confidence over time, by taking risks and action, by putting herself in situations that were perhaps uncomfortable for her, at first.

Many pretend that they are confident when they don’t actually feel that way, because there is a stigma associated with being non~confident and insecure.

While it is true that it can be helpful to “fake” confidence at times when you don’t really feel it, to make true personal progress and be one of the rare, rare women who are able to come across as authentically confident in who she is, you must start by being honest with yourself and where you are at.

 

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There is no shame in admitting to yourself or to those you trust, in what areas you don’t feel confident, because once you do you can either work through those emotions or do something to change them.  As long as you avoid or pretend those areas don’t exist, you won’t be able to take any action, and taking action is what will dissolve any non~confidence or fear.

If, dear reader, you are afraid of public speaking, join a toastmasters group.  Volunteer to give presentations to key clients at work.  Do anything and everything you can to put yourself in that type of situation until you become comfortable, and therefore confident in it!

Confidence begins with one such small act of courage.  You don’t need to give a speech addressing the U.S. Senate to begin with to start building confidence, for example.  Too many women are halted and kept in states of inaction and non~progress because they can’t see or are unwilling to take the micro-actions that will eventually build them up to the larger arenas they truly wish to be at.

 

Regilla ⚜:

 

“Start where you are.  Use what you have.  Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe

How to Make Mistakes

Why should you learn how to make mistakes, dear reader?

Because there is absolutely no avoiding them in life.  You will, without a doubt make many of them, no matter how successful you become.  Trying to dodge them is a waste of your time and energy – it is better to simply learn how to handle them gracefully.

 

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey

 

Making mistakes or not making them isn’t the point, however.  It really doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that you understand how to use them, how to not get stuck on them, and how to respond to them in the best way possible.

 

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First of all, realize that absolutely everyone makes mistakes and if someone is judging you harshly for being imperfect that is more about them than it is about you.  It’s important to admit our mistakes without getting defensive, and sincerely apologize to people for the consequences of them if necessary, but beyond that excessive blame and dwelling is not helpful.

In a turning point of the movie The Shawshank Redemption, one prisoner, Red comes to this point where he is able to admit his mistakes and find the inner strength to realize that while yes, he made those mistakes, he will never be able to go back and change the past:

 

RED
I know what you think it means. Me,
I think it’s a made-up word, a poli-
tician’s word. A word so young fellas
like you can wear a suit and tie and
have a job. What do you really want
to know? Am I sorry for what I did?

– —–

MAN
Well…are you?

RED
Not a day goes by I don’t feel
regret, and not because I’m in here
or because you think I should. I
look back on myself the way I
was…stupid kid who did that
terrible crime…wish I could talk
sense to him. Tell him how things
are. But I can’t. That kid’s long
gone, this old man is all that’s
left, and I have to live with that.
(beat)
Rehabilitated? That’s a bullshit
word, so you just go on ahead and
stamp that form there, sonny, and
stop wasting my damn time. Truth
is, I don’t give a shit.

 

Of course, your mistakes are probably not that extreme, but the point remains.  A lot of times, the mistakes people can’t move on from are the mistakes they knew were mistakes when they made them.  It doesn’t matter.  You regain your independence from the mistake when you stop trying to hide from it, when you stop denying it.  Plainly admitting it and really understanding that there is nothing to feel self-conscious or lesser about once you do that is what sets you free.

 

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Second, it’s important to not use your mistakes as an excuse to why you can’t accomplish what you want and be who you want in life.  And no matter what sort of mistake you may have made, it is exactly that – an excuse.

You need to switch your frame of mind to understand that mistakes are normal.

They are normal because you do not know everything, and you never will know everything.  Sometimes people are wrongly influenced by those around them and become blind to the fact that the direction they are going isn’t a good one.  As long as there is something you don’t yet understand, there’s a good chance that you will try and experiment and sometimes choose incorrectly.  The key is to be honest with yourself and admit when it is you’ve done so, so that you aren’t stuck in the same pattern indefinitely.

 

 

 

 

Serving vs. Being Servile

There is nothing wrong, dear reader, with being of service to others.  In fact, you will not succeed in life if that isn’t your mentality, or you don’t know how to serve.

However, there is an equally fatal counter to that and that is being servile.

In colloquial terms, that is what we mean when we say someone is a “doormat” or a “pushover.”

Oftentimes, these two concepts will get confused and many well-intentioned women who are trying to be of service will end up being disrespected, looked down upon, and even used because they end up being servile instead.

“It’s easy to think that people will like you more if you do whatever they tell you to do, but it’s quite the opposite. People don’t appreciate pushovers – they use them.”

 

To be of service means that you have matured to the point where you understand that it is not all about you; this is what is meant by that phrase “the world doesn’t revolve around you.”  It means that you get that other people come from different perspectives and viewpoints, and that what is most important to you personally is going to be different from what matters to someone else.

 

lilac:

 

For example, if you were planning on going out together, but your significant other has an important meeting or exam the following day, you are mature enough to respect that and not take it personally.

It also means that you use your talents, gifts, and abilities to lift others up.  In your career, that may mean you serve your clients by providing the most timely and quality service that you are capable of.  It may mean that you make sure things run smoothly in your office and that those with whom you work can say that you make their jobs that much easier.

Being servile on the other hand, will get you no appreciation or respect, and it will only drain your own energy and feelings of self-worth.  This is a quick indication for yourself – if you feel good about the contributions you are making, you are in the realm of service; if you feel resentment, you are in the realm of servitude.  

 

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An example of what servitude may look like:

You have told your significant other many times that you’d like help around the house; on a day when you are particularly tired from other commitments, you continue to contribute more than your “fair share” and don’t ask for what you need.

You have previous family or other obligations to meet, but you agree to put those on a lower priority when your boss asks you to stay late.

 

There is a remarkable difference. Service is next to godliness. Service requires respect, attention, devotion. Servers give aid or assistance, cooperatively, to someone in need, such as a guest. Those in service are subordinate only in the sense that servers watch over and preserve the activities that need to be directed by careful attention.

Servitude is completely at the other end of the spectrum, when the ego is under the thralldom of another against the will. Servitude is more akin to slavery or bondage. This distinction between service and servitude is elemental to the essence of hospitality and understanding the difference is key to successful service delivery.

How to Focus on Yourself

Not focusing on yourself is a major roadblock for many women, dear reader, and it comes in several forms.

First, to clarify what is meant by this – it’s not being self-centered or egocentric or losing your empathy and concern for others.  It’s focusing on your own path, your own work, your own unique mission in this world, rather than giving your time, attention and energy to other people or sources.

 

Life achievement - happy woman arms up in success becoming your best self:

 

This can be one of the toughest practices to master – being selfish in the sense that you feed your own spirit and soul by refusing to give away your time, energy, and attention to anything that doesn’t serve that.  In contrast, being “selfish” in the negative sense is feeding your ego – it’s pouring attention and energy into your persona.  This is always a mistake.  Your persona is simply a conduit for your purpose and spirit, it is never the end goal and any energy that ends up feeding it will have an ugly end and turn people off.  This comes off in any number of forms, including arrogance, “bitchiness”, and even body image insecurities.

Many women half-learn this and glorify the image of themselves as the “bitch” but if they were fully honest with themselves, they’d know that something still feels off.  Focusing on yourself, this sort of selfishness, once you master it, will never result in any sort of “bitchy” or harsh confrontations, because you will be acting out of your soul and spirit, not your ego.

 

happy.healthy.hot:

 

What’s important to remember is that your personality, your body, etc. are there to serve your purpose in life, not to get in the way.

And for the record, (though this issue has nothing to do directly with attracting men), men do not love bitches, counter to what impressions that best-selling title might have given you.  They love the boundaries and the ability of these women to say no to others when it doesn’t serve the best interests of their life purpose, soul, and who they are as a woman.  They see that the woman knows how to value her own unique self, and the divine within herself.   They may tolerate it until they find someone better and more evolved, but they don’t love the abrasive or nasty tendencies of the “bitch.”  And, yes, you can achieve one without the other with a bit of practice and by becoming aware of the problem (:

 

We listen to other people’s ideas of what is self-destructive without ever looking at whether their self and our self have similar needs.  Caught in the Virtue Trap, we refuse to ask ourselves, ‘What are my needs? What would I do if it weren’t too selfish?

There are powerful payoffs to be found in staying stuck and deferring nurturing your sense of self.  For many, the belief that they must be nice and worry about what will happen with their friends, family, mate if they dare to do what they really want will happen with their friends, family, mate, if they dare to do what they really want to constitutes a powerful reason for non-action.  Many sabotage themselves most frequently by making nice.  There is a tremendous cost to such ersatz virtue.  Many of us have made a virtue out of deprivation.  We have embraced a long-suffering anorexia as a martyr’s cross.  We have used it to feed a false sense of spirituality grounded in being good, meaning superior.

We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish.  We want to be generous, of service, of the world.  But what we really want is to be left alone.  When we can’t get others to leave us alone, we eventually abandon ourselves.  We have checked out.  Afraid to appear selfish, we lose our self.  We become self-destructive.

 

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What will be tough about this dear reader, is that saying ‘yes’ to yourself and what you really want will first involve you first being honest with yourself about what you really want, and then require you to say ‘no’ to others, over and over again, with no apology.

If you are not used to this, the people around you will likely give you some difficulty:

 

Mary knows the same thing as she agrees to round five of baby-sitting for her sister so she can go out.  Saying no to her sister would be saying yes to herself, and that is a responsibility that Mary just can’t handle.  Free on a Friday night?  What would she do with herself?  That’s a good question, and one of many that Mary has used her virtue to ignore.

 

If you are in such a habit, to break it is going to require time and courage.  Be gentle on yourself.  You will fail in certain instances after you make this resolution, go back on your intentions, and then want to get angry at yourself.  To make the matter even harder, you need to fight not only yourself, but the protests and resistances of the people whom you have been giving your power away to.  However, once you gain clarity and fully see the problem, it will become natural.  You will get there.

 

Healthy, Happy, Sexy, Wealthy:

 

Another form of this comes in putting your attention into others you do not even know,  perhaps sports personalities or celebrities, whether that be admiration or jealousy.  This is unnatural and misplaced.  These people are simply entertainment and professionals that have mastered their craft.

Instead of pouring your own unique energy and talents into your dreams and life purpose, you pour them into these figures and make them otherworldly gods and goddesses in your own mind.  This sort of idol worship needs to go if you are to reach your full potential – see them for what they are, other human beings who have worked very hard to get where they are, but nothing more and certainly not greater or less than you or any other human being on the planet.

 

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Any feelings of competitive jealousy need to go as well.  Their vast success isn’t stopping you from achieving your potential – what’s stopping you is that you aren’t focused on yourself and getting to where you are supposed to be, who you are meant to be.

“The world needs you!  It needs your heart, ideas, and most importantly, your unique perspective.” – Jetaun Davis

 

Limits

This topic, dear reader, is a powerful concept and it touches every single aspect of your life, from your relationships, to your financial status to your health.

We all grow up believing in some sort of limits.

 

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For some of us, those limits were more constricting than that of others, but they were still there.  And most women tend to unconsciously carry the limits they grew up believing with them into adulthood, not understanding that most of that was simply taken on faith, without examining those beliefs or thinking through them critically.

Let’s take relationships with men, for example.

Many women come to truly believe any number of limiting concepts including that men only want them for sex, men will use them, men will try to control them, men will only give them gifts on holidays, etc.

 

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Financially, unless you are one of the few born to wealthy parents, you come to believe such concepts as “money doesn’t grow on trees”;  you come to believe that money is something difficult to come by, something that must be struggled for, something that is used as a tool of control over others.

The idea that none of this is even true, that they are simply self-imposed limits that serve to cause self-sabotage to success, happiness, and fulfillment is so foreign a concept that it most likely never crosses your mind.

To see the truth of this, begin with a young child you know.  Tell her with conviction (this is important – if there’s no conviction in your voice it will not work) that she’s beautiful, intelligent, and that one day she’s going to be very successful.  Watch how she changes her behavior in ways that fulfill your words (:

 

Kamali Kulture:

 

Listening to Your Own Inner Voice

One unmistakeable quality of the feminine woman of excellence is that she is able to take into consideration the thoughts and ideas she hears from others and from the world at large, without immediately absorbing them into her belief-system.  She carefully considers, thinks things over, and then decides if she agrees or not.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

Unfortunately many women are not quite there yet.

 

Beautiful:

 

On a date, for example, when asked to select your food, instead of looking through your options and selecting what you want, you either pick with the intention of catering to your company, or even worse, you leave the decision up to him entirely.

Not all women are like this of course, however women often give up their power by not consulting their own minds, thoughts, wishes, and desires first in other ways.

Your friends and family suggest you go to places, and you simply “go with the flow” rather than thinking through whether or not you really want to; you listen to people you consider authority figures or people within your network or friend group whom you look up to express their opinions and then take these as gospel without thinking them through.

What you need to do is break out of this adolescent habit by asking yourself in all cases, what is it that I think, and what do I want?  Does what I have seen and experienced in life validate the opinion being put forwards? Does this make sense, on an intuitive level to me?

 

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Sadly too many women discredit their own opinions and somehow believe that another knows what’s best for them.  By the way, even hiring a professional to manage an aspect of your life does not absolve you of the responsibility of understanding the dynamics and making important decisions for yourself – for instance, even if you hire a financial professional or a doctor, you are still ultimately responsible for the state of your finances and health, respectively.

 

“You must become less susceptible to influences outside of yourself and more inclined to trust the instincts and feelings that lie within you.”